A growing body of research investigated in a recent article in The Atlantic challenges conventional wisdom about how boys should be raised, revealing that gendered parenting and cultural expectations may be holding back the emotional and developmental well-being of boys. These findings carry special significance for parents and educators in Thailand, where traditional models of masculinity often shape family and school life.
In societies around the world, including Thailand, the prevailing narrative says that boys must be tough, stoic, and emotionally restrained to succeed in life. This perspective, fueled by generations of social customs and amplified by contemporary social media influencers as well as political rhetoric, encourages boys to suppress feelings in favor of physical strength and competition. However, new studies suggest that such approaches run counter to boys’ actual developmental needs and may have long-term negative effects, not just for the boys themselves but for wider society as well.
Multiple studies highlighted in The Atlantic (theatlantic.com) have consistently found that parents, both mothers and fathers, tend to offer more nurturing attention—such as reading, conversation, and emotional encouragement—to young girls rather than boys. For example, one 2016 multinational analysis demonstrated that parents were more likely to engage in activities like telling stories, singing, and reading with girls from infancy to preschool, while boys often received less of this essential emotional support. A 2013 longitudinal study tracking over 20,000 U.S. children revealed that parents feel closer to kindergarten-age daughters than sons and are more likely to report being too busy to play with their boys.
Further, observational studies have shown that mothers tend to interact more frequently and offer more comfort to daughters, while fathers are more responsive to the early sounds of boys but engage with them through language linked to achievement and competition rather than emotion. A 2017 study noted that fathers spoke to girls with more emotion-laden language, contrasting with a performance-focused vocabulary used with boys.
A significant biological dimension compounds these parenting patterns. Research by UCLA psychology professor Allan N. Schore, supported by other child development experts such as Sebastian Kraemer, reveals that boys’ brain circuits responsible for stress regulation mature more slowly than girls’—making them more fragile and emotionally vulnerable from birth. This developmental lag, approximately a month compared to girls, translates into boys having more difficulty with emotional regulation and an increased sensitivity to negative events during early childhood.
The compounded effects of traditional gender expectations and these biological vulnerabilities are further aggravated by socioeconomic factors. Studies in both the United States and England demonstrate that boys raised in single-parent, low-income households—which are also observed in parts of Thailand—experience greater academic and behavioral difficulties than girls from similar backgrounds. Social support programs for parents have shown to narrow these gaps, suggesting environmental nurturing can offset some biological risks.
For Thai families, these discoveries carry substantial implications. Cultural scripts that discourage male vulnerability and equate masculinity with stoicism and control remain prevalent across Thai media, school environments, and even Buddhist teachings which, in many cases, associate restraint and self-control with merit. Yet, these beliefs may inadvertently contribute to boys’ struggles with emotional health, academic setbacks, and, at the extreme, riskier behavioral outcomes. As noted in the article, the consequences may persist into adulthood in the form of higher rates of conduct disorders, interpersonal violence, or emotional isolation.
Experts argue that these trends echo the findings of international research on “masculine discrepancy stress”—the anxiety experienced by men and boys who feel they fall short of society’s ideals of manhood. This stress strongly correlates with various forms of violence and mental health problems. Sociologist Barbara Risman of the University of Illinois at Chicago told The Atlantic that the solution lies not in swapping one set of gender stereotypes for another, but in emphasizing universally human qualities like empathy, nurturance, and agency in every child—regardless of gender.
Thailand’s own gender socialization is informed by historical and religious paradigms, from “phu chai” (the ideal of stoic maleness) to post-war influences, and has been further shaped by Western media in the 20th and 21st centuries. Yet, traditional Thai family units have often prized harmonious relationships, gentle manners, and filial piety, qualities that modern research suggests should be reinforced for both boys and girls. Looking forward, experts believe it will take concerted efforts in homes, schools, and the wider culture to update these attitudes—just as campaigns to empower Thai girls have sought to open new possibilities in education, sports, and leadership.
Some Thai education reformers have already called for more socioemotional learning in the national curriculum and training for teachers to support students’ mental and emotional health. Counseling programs and “life skills” initiatives are slowly gaining ground in schools. For parents, psychologists recommend intentionally providing boys with as much conversation, warmth, and affectionate attention as girls; praising emotional expression alongside achievement; and modeling vulnerability themselves.
While the research calls into question long-standing beliefs about masculinity, it is not a simple matter of treating boys and girls identically. Instead, as psychiatrist Sebastian Kraemer emphasized, boys “should be treated more like human beings,” with both their biological vulnerabilities and personal strengths recognized and supported.
The change will not happen overnight. As the United States, the United Kingdom, and other countries have seen, it takes decades to reshape national attitudes about gender and parenting. Nevertheless, experts involved in this research urge parents and educators in Thailand—and everywhere—to start at home: listen more, nurture more, and give boys the emotional tools they need to become healthy and caring adults. Such efforts will not only support individual well-being but also help build a society where all young people, regardless of gender, have the chance to thrive.
For Thai readers, actionable steps could include engaging more actively and warmly with boys, advocating for school programs that focus on emotional health, seeking out parenting resources that address nurturing both sons and daughters, and encouraging wider public discussion about the benefits of challenging traditional gender roles. The path to raising stronger, more resilient, and compassionate young men may begin with questioning the very assumptions that have been passed down from one generation to the next.
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