A new wave of research and expert opinion has cast doubt on the classic parenting phrase, “everything is fine,” calling it more harmful than once believed for children’s emotional development. Though many Thai parents and caregivers grew up hearing and using this seemingly benign statement to reassure distressed youngsters, developmental psychologists now warn that such dismissive comfort may actually disrupt a child’s ability to process emotions and build long-term resilience (thinkstewartville.com).
The revelation is particularly significant in Thailand, where family ties are strong and emotional harmony is highly valued. While it is natural for Thai parents to want to quickly alleviate a child’s distress—be it after a playground tumble at a Bangkok park or a disagreement at home—experts say that telling children “everything is fine” can send the unintended message that their emotions are invalid or inconvenient. Over time, this can have far-reaching consequences for children’s mental health, affecting their relationships, academic performance, and even their long-term well-being.
The emerging consensus among Western and Thai developmental psychology experts highlights the dangers of emotional dismissal. As a prominent conscious parenting specialist noted in the cited article, well-meaning phrases like “everything is fine” may result in children doubting their own feelings. “The problem isn’t the intention behind the words but their effect on how children process emotions,” the specialist explains. By glossing over distress rather than acknowledging it, parents may inadvertently teach children to distrust their own emotional responses. This is echoed in recent studies published in journals such as the “Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry,” which find that emotional invalidation in early childhood correlates with greater social and emotional struggles in adolescence (source).
When a child’s reality is denied—when they’re hurt, scared, or angry, but are told to ignore those feelings—the result is cognitive dissonance. Repeated exposure may cause children to suppress their emotions, leading to avoidance behaviors and emotional difficulty later in life. In Thai culture, where “jai yen” (cool heart) is prized and open displays of emotion are sometimes discouraged, such patterns may be especially pronounced.
The underlying science confirms that emotional literacy—the ability to identify, name, and articulate feelings—is a cornerstone of psychological health. Children primarily learn these skills through their caregivers’ responses. When a parent actively validates a child’s emotions, saying “I see that you’re upset” or “That must have hurt,” they are not condoning negative behavior, but giving the child permission to acknowledge, process, and eventually move beyond the distress. Leading Thai child psychologists and counselors point out that building such an emotional vocabulary early on helps children better cope with social challenges, conflict, and adversity throughout their academic journeys and into adulthood (UNICEF Thailand).
There is a growing push among local education and parenting organizations for parents to adopt alternative phrases—ones that acknowledge what a child is experiencing. Instead of reflexively assuring a bruised and tearful child that “everything is fine,” experts recommend statements like “I believe you,” “I’m here with you,” or “You don’t have to be okay right away.” Language such as “It looks like you’re feeling disappointed” helps children put words to their state, which research shows fosters emotional intelligence rather than avoidance (American Psychological Association).
Some caregivers worry that focusing on negative feelings may reinforce and prolong them. But extensive studies actually show the reverse: validated children tend to move through their emotions more quickly and emerge with stronger coping skills. Emotional validation, rather than emotional indulgence or suppression, is what helps children develop “grit”—known in Thai as “khwam oththon”—and the self-confidence necessary for navigating the world.
Thailand’s diverse cultural norms around family, respect, and emotion create unique parental pressures. In many homes, particularly in rural provinces or among traditional extended families, emotional stoicism is both taught and expected. Whereas in certain urban and international school communities, there’s a visible shift towards mindful and “positive” parenting, which integrates techniques like emotional coaching and mindful listening. Education reformers in Thailand’s Ministry of Education have also included emotional literacy modules in curriculum development since 2017, in recognition of the positive mental health impact (Bangkok Post).
Addressing this, a university-based child development researcher recently commented, “Thai families have the potential to nurture emotional intelligence if taught to listen, not just to pacify.” This is especially urgent as Thailand, like much of Asia, faces a rapid increase in youth mental health concerns, as found by the Department of Mental Health: one in seven Thai adolescents struggles with anxiety or depression symptoms, often traceable to early emotional experiences (Department of Mental Health, Thailand).
Mindful parenting—defined as being aware and present with your child’s feelings, rather than reacting automatically—has found ground among a new generation of Thai parents. Instead of focusing solely on managing outward behavior (or quickly moving past tears for the sake of harmony), mindful approaches emphasize “siting with” the child’s discomfort and providing gentle guidance towards constructive expression. This does not mean an absence of discipline or allowing tantrums to continue, but an awareness that emotional processing must precede positive change.
International and Thai experts alike counsel parents to reflect on their own upbringing and emotional habits. Many adults were raised with a strong emphasis on social cohesion and emotional suppression, and may unconsciously perpetuate these patterns. The new science of parenting encourages adults to make a conscious break from cycles of invalidation, by first acknowledging children’s real-time feelings and then modeling healthy expression and resolution.
The future implications for Thailand are profound. Children who are consistently validated grow up with better self-understanding, improved peer relationships, and resilience in the face of adversity—a crucial skill as the country moves through rapid economic, social, and technological change. Increasingly, Thai education and mental health professionals are calling for policy changes that put emotional development on par with academic achievement. There is a call to action for teachers to learn emotion-coaching skills and for parents to seek out resources on mindful listening.
For Thai families, incorporating these research-backed approaches can begin at home, with simple changes: listening attentively to a child’s complaint, labeling their emotion without judgment, and offering support rather than a rush to comfort. Local parenting groups, hospitals, and schools in Bangkok and beyond are running workshops and providing resources, making it easier than ever for parents to adopt these practices.
In summary, what seems like a harmless phrase—“everything is fine”—can erode the foundations of a child’s emotional intelligence if used to avoid discomfort rather than create understanding. The next time a child falls, feels left out, or comes home with a story of schoolyard disappointment, experts encourage Thai parents to pause, acknowledge the distress, and gently coach their children through it. Not only will this nurture healthier children, but it also cultivates the emotional resilience needed for Thailand’s next generation to thrive in a changing world.
For parents seeking more information, the Department of Mental Health and organizations like UNICEF Thailand offer guidelines and workshops on conscious parenting and emotional validation. Small changes in language and approach can have a lifelong positive impact—starting with listening, believing, and allowing space for all of a child’s feelings, big or small.
Sources used:
- “Saying this harmless phrase to your child can have terrible consequences, according to an expert”
- UNICEF Thailand: Rethinking Parenting
- American Psychological Association: Children and Emotions
- Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry: Early emotional invalidation
- Department of Mental Health, Thailand Statistics
- Bangkok Post: Kids need more time for emotional learning