Families around the world are rethinking the boundaries of parenthood by turning to a model rooted in both ancient tradition and modern necessity—raising children together with trusted friends as an alternative or complement to family support. A recent in-depth feature by The Atlantic shines a spotlight on this emerging trend, revealing the practical challenges and deep rewards of creating a ‘chosen village’ for child-rearing in today’s fragmented social landscape. The insights from this story reflect an international movement with profound implications, not only for Western societies but also for countries like Thailand, where urbanization and changing family structures are reshaping childcare arrangements and community life.
At the heart of the article is the story of a married couple, who, after years of lamenting the dwindling time spent with their closest friends, decided in 2023 to radically overhaul their living arrangements. They moved their young family from Boston to Washington, D.C., where their best friends took the house next door and a third set of close acquaintances settled nearby. The experiment: to support each other’s parenting journeys while maintaining the porous boundaries of mutual trust, friendship, and shared responsibility. Seven young children roamed freely among the homes, and adults traded childcare support, meals, and emotional sustenance. The adults recounted that, despite logistical and cultural hurdles, they found more social fulfillment and resilience against the challenges of modern parenting than ever before.
Why does this matter? A 2015 Pew Research Center survey found more than half of American parents reported insufficient time to socialize with friends due to the demands of raising children. Thailand, with its increasingly urban and nuclear family-driven society, faces similar dynamics, as young parents living in cities often struggle to access extended family networks that were foundational in earlier generations. When families are spread across regions or when ties are strained, friends have increasingly stepped in, playing supporting roles reminiscent of the Thai concept of “phuen bai kao-bai mai” (friends as family branches), especially during major life events. Thai society has a long history of communal child-rearing, seen in rural villages where neighbors and relatives share caregiving duties. This communal safety net is being stretched thin in metropolitan Bangkok and other cities, forcing parents to seek new arrangements.
Key findings from the article are supported by emerging research in anthropology and sociology. Anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy argues that throughout much of human history, so-called “alloparents”—adults other than the biological parents—were essential for the survival and wellbeing of children (as seen in her book “Mothers and Others”) (source). Today, multigenerational and friend-supported households are still the global norm, even as many high-income nations imagine the nuclear family as tradition. In Thailand, data from the National Statistical Office demonstrates that while extended families remain common, the proportion of nuclear households has risen sharply since the 1980s (source).
The Atlantic’s exploration shows how formalizing these friend-based co-parenting arrangements can challenge both logistical and emotional boundaries. One story in the article describes the complexities when two families—with differing parenting philosophies and children with varying needs—share a roof. Struggles over house rules, dietary habits, and daily routines require negotiation, humility, and flexibility. Yet, parents consistently report the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, expressing gratitude for the tangible relief from solo parenting and for the broadened horizons their children gain from exposure to different adult perspectives. In Thai context, such flexibility is echoed in the practice of “yok khrueng” (helping to share the load), where community members step in for emergency childcare or during peak agricultural times, and is increasingly visible in urban areas through cooperative babysitting and playgroups.
Internationally, evidence suggests the friend-as-family approach is growing in popularity. The article cites a 2023 Zillow survey indicating 14 percent of recent homebuyers in the U.S. had purchased with friends (Zillow), a trend mirrored in cities like Bangkok, where cooperative housing and “co-living” spaces are marketed to young families seeking support structures similar to traditional “baan yai” (large houses with multiple families). While many parents crave these arrangements, structural barriers remain: housing options that facilitate proximity are rare, financial and legal issues are complex, and social norms may discourage non-familial communal living, particularly in societies where privacy and family honor are emphasized.
Expert voices highlight both the promise and challenges of this emerging model. A co-founder of the Modern Family Institute argues that such arrangements revive the village model, sustaining both children and parents. Yet, as the founder of a real estate platform devoted to helping people live near friends points out, “It requires coordination and foresight and going to someone and saying, I want to design my life around you—that’s not a conversation that has a template.” Misunderstandings and conflicts do occur, testing relationships and boundaries, especially regarding discipline, household duties, or managing special needs.
The lived experience of these experimenters is a blend of joy and humility. Parents recall both humorous and tense moments—children swearing and running to the neighbor for comfort, debates over screen time and junk food in shared spaces. One mother, recently moved into such a community, noted the challenges of explaining to her child why her rules differ from those of their “cousin” friends, echoing frustrations familiar to any Thai parent negotiating between grandparental spoiling and parental discipline.
Nonetheless, the daily practicalities of this arrangement—swapping medication, sharing food, offering spontaneous childcare or emotional support—translate into a richer, less isolating parenting journey. As one participant put it, “We’ve socialized more in the last six months than in the last six years of parenting.” The significance of these spontaneous social opportunities—the heart of healthy Thai soi life—cannot be overstated, especially in cities where pollution, safety, and work hours often limit children’s interaction with neighbors and relatives.
Looking at the historical context, this approach revives elements of kinship and community interdependence that have long ben part of Thai society, especially before state welfare and migration reshaped family roles. In older Thai villages, children called all adult women ‘mae’ (mother) and all men ‘phor’ (father), and community rituals ensured regular ties between neighbors and extended families (UNESCO source). Urbanization and economic change have eroded these bonds, though vestiges remain in community temples, markets, and schools.
Looking ahead, the friend-as-family trend may grow as economic pressures, housing patterns, and changing family values continue to alter the landscape of childrearing. In Thailand, the rising cost of living and limited access to high-quality childcare are fueling new forms of cooperative parenting, such as informal playgroups, co-working spaces with attached childcare, and, increasingly, shared housing for interconnected families. Yet, as with the American families profiled in The Atlantic, success depends on careful negotiation of boundaries, respect for differing values, and openness to imperfection.
For Thai parents considering adopting similar arrangements, the evidence points toward several practical recommendations. Explore opportunities for cooperative parenting through neighborhood playgroups, temple-based activities, or connections made at schools. When considering shared living, discuss expectations frankly about discipline, finances, caregiving roles, and boundaries. Draw upon Thailand’s deep tradition of communal support, but recognize that successful modern arrangements will likely require new norms and clear communication. For policymakers, recognizing and supporting friend-based family structures—with flexible housing, family leave, and legal recognition of shared caregiving—could help address the country’s mounting demographic and welfare challenges.
As the Atlantic concludes, and as Thai society has known for centuries, “it takes a village not just to raise the child, but to sustain the adults raising them too.” The grand experiment in parenting with friends, blending the best of old and new, may be a key to healthier, happier families in an increasingly complex world.
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