The notion that fathers “babysit” when caring for their own children has come under renewed scrutiny, as new research highlights the detrimental effects of gendered parenting roles on both caregivers and their children. A recent article by Dr. Kate Balestrieri stresses that calling a father’s involvement “babysitting” is not merely an innocent slip of the tongue, but a reflection of deep-seated inequities in emotional and domestic responsibilities within households. This issue resonates widely, with significant implications for Thai society as evolving gender norms intersect with longstanding cultural expectations.
For decades, global media and social discourse have often depicted mothers as the default caregivers, celebrating fatherly engagement as noteworthy exceptions. However, mounting evidence shows this default positioning is not only unfair but also harmful to family health and well-being. Research referenced by Dr. Balestrieri indicates that even in dual-income families, mothers bear a disproportionate share of childcare and housework. For example, a widely cited study by Bianchi et al. (2012) found that women, regardless of employment status, spend significantly more time on domestic duties compared to men—even when both partners work full-time (source).
This imbalance is not just a matter of scheduling difficulties or personal temperament; rather, it is rooted in socialized expectations about what it means to be a “good” parent, expectations that are reinforced through subtle language and behaviors. Referring to a father’s involvement as “babysitting” further entrenches the idea that a mother’s labor is obligatory and invisible, while any paternal contribution is a bonus. Thai society, with its intricate webs of family obligations and cultural markers of respect, is certainly no exception.
Recent findings specifically comparing emotion socialization in Thai and American households illuminate how these dynamics play out in real life. A study published in 2023 by researchers at Northwestern University (PMC10404248) reveals that while Thai parents tend to emphasize emotional restraint and harmony—qualities tied to cherished values such as “jai yen” (cool-heartedness) and “kreng jai” (consideration for others)—certain gendered patterns are surprisingly similar to those in Western societies. Both cultures display a tendency for mothers to engage more in emotion talk, particularly with daughters, reinforcing the expectation that women are the primary managers of family emotion and relationships.
What is less visible, but no less significant, is the toll this imbalance takes on women. Being the default parent leads to what is termed “maternal rage”—an accumulation of frustration stemming from unacknowledged labor, unmet expectations, and the pressure to always appear selfless and patient. Research by Rizzo et al. (2013) further shows that mothers who shoulder these responsibilities alone are at higher risk for isolation and depression—consequences that can ripple throughout the family and impact children’s emotional development (source).
Internationally, and in Thailand, the impact is not limited to nuclear families. A 2024 study on gender, affective labor, and COVID-19 responses in Thai family-run businesses found that women’s emotional labor is a linchpin of business and household resilience. Through interviews with 51 Thai entrepreneurs, the study underscores that care work—often seen as a “feminine” obligation—can be harnessed as a strength during crises, but only if it is recognized and shared by all family members (Emerald Insight).
Nevertheless, genuine partnership in parenting and domestic duties remains elusive. Cultural forces, ingrained habits, and workplace structures combine to discourage men from participating fully in childcare. In Thailand, the legacy of collectivist values, an emphasis on outward empathy, and modest emotional displays coexist with hierarchical family roles, where mothers are expected to mediate not only the practical but also the emotional needs of the family. Fathers, on the other hand, may face subtle social pressure to prioritize their roles as breadwinners or authority figures rather than nurturers or emotional supporters.
The challenge, therefore, extends beyond personal attitudes and into the very fiber of Thai social life. While public policies supporting parental leave or flexible work exist in some form, they are rarely tailored for fathers. Even when men express a desire to be more involved, they may lack the confidence, perceived competence, or encouragement—leading to what some psychologists dub “strategic incompetence,” whereby fathers defer to mothers by claiming ignorance or inability. Meanwhile, mothers, feeling unsupported, often step in to smooth things over, perpetuating the cycle.
What can Thai families and society do to address this? The first step is to reform the language and attitudes associated with parenting roles. Community leaders, schools, and the media should actively challenge the notion that fathers are merely “helping” when they care for their own children. Practical steps include family conversations about the division of labor, explicit support from employers for paternal leave, and governmental or NGO-led public education campaigns that highlight the value of emotionally present fathers.
There is also a need to recognize and validate the emotional demands placed on mothers, for both their own wellbeing and that of their families. Historical Thai cultural values—such as “phi nong” (brotherly and sisterly obligation) and interdependence—can be reframed to promote a more equitable sharing of domestic tasks. After all, the strength of the Thai family has always rested not only on hierarchy, but on adaptability.
Looking forward, the future of parenting in Thailand may be one of both tradition and transformation. If societal and familial norms can evolve to embrace more balanced partnerships, children will benefit from richer emotional scaffolding, and partners will enjoy greater mutual respect and satisfaction. Policymakers can help by expanding parental leave for both mothers and fathers, offering family counseling programs, and incentivizing workplaces to support family involvement for employees of all genders.
For Thai readers, the practical recommendations are clear: challenge stereotypes at home and in your community, engage in honest discussions about expectations, and seek support when feeling overwhelmed. Men should step confidently into their full roles as parents, not as “babysitters,” but as integral, responsible caregivers whose contributions are not only welcome, but essential. The next time you hear someone say a father is “babysitting,” gently but firmly correct them—true parenting is always a partnership.
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