Skip to main content

High Expectations, Hidden Costs: What Research on ‘Successful’ Families Reveals About Parenting

5 min read
1,010 words
Share:

A major new book, “The Family Dynamic” by Susan Dominus, is challenging long-held beliefs about how families can raise high-achieving children, offering vital insights for Thai parents pressured by rising academic and social expectations. Drawing on extensive reporting and scientific research, Dominus turns the conventional wisdom about parenting for success on its head, revealing that high achievement in children often comes with underappreciated emotional costs—and that much of what parents agonize over may matter less than they think.

As Thailand’s competitive education environment grows more intense—evident from the proliferation of after-school tutoring centres and the success-oriented ethos in urban Thai families—the findings in Dominus’s book have resonant implications. The work documents the lives of six sets of extraordinary siblings, each emerging from families marked by relentless parental ambition. These siblings have become judges, doctors, civil rights leaders, entrepreneurs, Olympic-level athletes, and acclaimed artists. Their parents shared one trait: an intentional, unwavering effort to plan and push for their children’s success, believing it was their responsibility to do so.

The Thai context reflects many similar patterns described in the book. Thai parents, especially in the middle class and above, increasingly feel the pressure to invest not only in formal education but a dizzying array of enrichment activities—from language schools to music lessons and coding camps—hoping to secure a better future for their children. Societal values strongly attach family prestige and parental merit to the academic and professional achievements of children. But Dominus’s research shows this approach can be a double-edged sword.

A key takeaway from Dominus’s investigation—echoed by sociological research around the globe—is that there are two broad archetypes of ambitious parents: “overcomers,” who serve as living proof to their children that limitations can be shattered through personal effort (often overcoming poverty, discrimination, or historic hardship), and “thwarteds,” whose own dreams were blocked and who attempt, sometimes ruthlessly, to clear every obstacle from their children’s paths. Both sets offer rich environments and set high expectations, but the “overcomer” model seems to inspire by example, while the “thwarted” approach can fuel anxiety, depression, and trauma in the relentless drive for achievement.

The lived effects are complex. In some families, children rose just as their parents hoped: a doctor here, a novelist there, or an Olympic athlete. Yet Dominus notes the emotional toll—severe anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and persistent insecurity—frequently observed, especially among children of “thwarted” parents. Parental ambition, she finds, can be the emotional equivalent of a “shock collar,” compelling success through the fear of failure. And, critically, not all high-achieving children thrive emotionally; as observed in some Thai high schools, the race for top scores often leaves students exhausted and detached from broader senses of purpose and belonging (washingtonpost.com).

Underlying it all, Dominus argues, is a recurring uncertainty in the research: Are parents truly “making” their kids successful, or are they simply channeling inherited talents and advantages? Modern genetics and social science suggest both are at play, yet the causal web remains murky. Dalton Conley, a Princeton sociologist and expert on twin studies, bluntly told Dominus: “Every once in a while, in a very rare while, if you pull the slot enough times, it is going to come up all cherries.” In other words, luck—genetics, socioeconomic status, birth order, timing, and mere randomness—plays a much larger role than many parenting guides concede.

This reality check will be sobering for many Thai readers immersed in a culture of parental sacrifice, who may see every after-school class or strict routine as a necessary offering to the shrine of future success. The findings align with decades of international educational research showing that while parental involvement is valuable, the marginal benefits of extreme control or pressure may diminish—or even become actively harmful—especially as children reach adolescence (PubMed example). Moreover, child mental health professionals in Thailand have raised alarms about surging rates of childhood anxiety, depression, and self-harm linked to academic and extracurricular stress, mirroring trends seen in Dominus’s book (Bangkok Post, Thai PBS).

At the same time, the book’s broader implications gently caution against the promise of simple formulas for raising “winners.” While some traits for success can be cultivated—resilience, curiosity, and healthy competition among siblings—much is unaccounted for by family strategy alone. The social, emotional, and genetic ingredients are messier than most guidebooks admit. As Dominus deftly concludes, “the parenting choices that many caring parents agonize over have much less effect on children’s outcomes than we have all been led to believe.”

In Thailand, where family togetherness and respectful hierarchies shape childrearing traditions but also where modern anxieties run high, these findings invite a conversation about what children’s “success” really means. The nation’s policy responses—like recent Ministry of Education initiatives to promote well-being alongside academic performance—hint at a slow shift from rote, pressure-focused systems to more holistic ideals. But the societal transformation is far from complete, as many Thai parents still confess to “shadow education” and extra tutoring out of fear of missing out.

Looking ahead, the research in “The Family Dynamic” suggests a roadmap for Thai parents, educators, and policymakers: focus less on maximizing achievement at every turn, and more on supporting children’s mental health, balanced development, and natural curiosity. Encourage healthy sibling dynamics, but beware the unintended costs of unchecked ambition. Above all, recognize that luck—privilege, timing, and even randomness—is also a potent force in life’s outcomes. Gen Z and Generation Alpha Thais may well benefit from growing up in families where support and high expectations are tempered by warmth, understanding, and a willingness to accept that not everything can be controlled.

As Dominus’s work makes clear, there are no silver bullets—but also no need for parents to shoulder a mythic burden. For Thai families seeking a more balanced approach, the actionable lesson is simple: support, guide, and love your children, but do not sacrifice their well-being—or your family’s happiness—on the altar of improbable perfection.

Sources:

Related Articles

5 min read

Unlocking Student Success: What Parents of Top Achievers Do Differently

news parenting

New research and recent analysis reveal that the habits of parents significantly shape the academic and emotional success of their children. Drawing inspiration from a widely-shared article in The Times of India on the distinctive behaviors of parents supporting top-scoring students, combined with insights from regional studies and Thailand’s evolving parenting landscape, this report explores the practical strategies and evolving programs that are driving children’s achievement—both in Thai classrooms and around the world.

#Parenting #Education #Thailand +9 more
4 min read

Thai Experts Join Global Call to Rethink “Toxic” Parenting Style over Child Wellbeing Concerns

news parenting

A wave of international concern is building as psychologists and child development experts warn that a commonly practiced parenting style, sometimes seen as “normal” or “strict,” can actually have lasting negative effects on children. According to a recent report in the New York Post, this approach—characterized by excessive control, harsh discipline, and a lack of emotional warmth—may undermine children’s emotional health and long-term wellbeing NY Post.

Parenting is a sensitive topic across cultures, especially as the foundations laid in early childhood often shape a person’s capabilities, relationships, and mental resilience. In Thailand, where cultural values around respect for elders and family hierarchy are deeply ingrained, the conversation on parenting practices is especially relevant. Traditional Thai parenting sometimes leans toward strictness and high expectations, echoing aspects of the style that experts are now cautioning against.

#Parenting #ChildDevelopment #MentalHealth +7 more
4 min read

Embracing Boredom: New Research Suggests Letting Children Be Bored Can Benefit Their Development

news parenting

A growing body of research, highlighted in a recent feature by The Times of India, is challenging conventional wisdom about childhood boredom. Contrary to the belief that children’s schedules should be filled with constant activities and digital entertainment, experts now recommend that parents allow their children to experience periods of boredom. This approach, they argue, can nurture creativity, emotional resilience, and self-reliance—traits essential for thriving in today’s complex world (Times of India).

#Parenting #ChildDevelopment #Education +5 more

Medical Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals before making decisions about your health.