A recently published article in The Atlantic has put a spotlight on what social scientists, educators, and families around the world are increasingly calling the “default parent” problem—a persistent societal bias where mothers are treated as the primary caregiver by default, regardless of the actual family arrangement or parental wishes. Grounded in new research and illustrated by repeated real-life stories, this phenomenon persists in households, schools, clinics, and even airline cabins, with broad implications for work-life balance, gender equality, and family well-being.
For many Thai readers, the idea of the “default parent” will be all too familiar. From school forms that automatically list mothers as emergency contacts to doctors who reach out to mothers by habit—even when fathers are primary caregivers—these patterns reflect deep-rooted gender norms. Globally and in Thailand, rising dual-income households and greater paternal involvement have not eliminated the expectation that the mother is always “in charge” of a child’s daily life. This leads to further emotional labor and workplace disruption for mothers, while often failing to recognize the presence and capability of actively involved fathers.
The Atlantic article describes situations experienced in the United States but resonates internationally: a father at an urgent care facility is met with surprise for solo parenting, or a school requiring confirmation from the mother despite clear instructions otherwise. Notably, a research team led by an American economist conducted a field experiment by emailing over 80,000 school principals as fictitious parents. Even when fathers stated they were most available, the principals were 40% more likely to call back mothers, and—even more tellingly—still called mothers 12% of the time when the request came directly from fathers. The researchers further found that these biases were strongest in communities with traditional gender roles. This finding highlights how deep-seated these assumptions are, even when families are explicit about wanting fathers to be contacted first.
According to a behavioral economist from the University of Pennsylvania, such behavior often arises unconsciously: “We have a stereotype of the mother as the caregiver,” she notes, observing that administrators and staff do not “go through a deliberate thought process” but simply act on ingrained assumptions (theatlantic.com). A pediatrician practicing in Atlanta adds that outdated software systems in clinics and schools act as further barriers, sometimes storing only a single primary contact or failing to update records when parental roles shift. For example, if the mother originally enters details for a newborn but later returns to work while the father takes paternity leave, the digital backend often cannot recognize or accommodate that change.
The consequences, according to ongoing surveys and interviews, are tangible. When default-parent calls from schools or clinics interrupt mothers at work, simply forwarding the call to their partner doesn’t resolve the issue. Research cited in The Atlantic found mothers were 30% more likely to say that asking their partner for help with a parenting task is “disruptive to their day and that they still have to be involved in the task even after asking their partner for help.” These constant interruptions contribute to some mothers scaling back professional ambitions, seeking lower-demand jobs, or dropping out of the workforce entirely—trends noted in Western countries and documented in recent Thai research as well (Bangkok Post, UN Women Thailand).
For fathers who are eager to take on more responsibility, the default-parent dynamic results in its own form of frustration and inefficiency. If a doctor’s office calls the mother instead of the father who manages a child’s chronic medication, important information may be delayed or miscommunicated. Daycares that automatically phone mothers rather than fathers working from home add unnecessary steps to urgent decision-making. Such barriers not only frustrate parents but can affect children’s well-being and family stability.
Thai society, with its blend of traditional family values and rapid social change, is experiencing similar strains and evolutions. More fathers in Thailand are participating in caregiving, and dual-income households are now common in urban centers such as Bangkok and Chiang Mai (UN Women Thailand). Despite this, government statistics and several surveys indicate that mothers remain the default contact and bear the invisible load of coordinating children’s schooling and health needs (NSO Thailand). It is common in Thai schools for teachers to reach out to mothers first—even when the father handles school drop-off or pick-up. Some private and international schools attempt to update contact protocols, but legacy practices linger in many institutions nationwide.
There is also a cultural dimension. In Thai tradition, maternal figures are often the “heart” of the family, and honoring mothers as caregivers is both a strength and a challenge in a rapidly modernizing society. However, as women’s labor force participation remains high and Thai fathers increasingly take parental leave or flexible jobs, the need for institutional change is becoming urgent. The recurring “mom will know” response is echoed in countless Thai families, echoing the American anecdotes from The Atlantic but carrying local resonances—in rural villages and Bangkok condos alike.
Looking forward, experts recommend several practical actions for institutions and families. First, schools and clinics should review and update contact procedures to recognize both parents’ caregiving roles—modernizing software where necessary and providing clear options for families to specify preferred contacts. Thai businesses and government agencies should support flexible parental leave for fathers, while the Ministry of Education could offer guidance to ensure school communications reflect modern family structures. Awareness campaigns, leveraging relatable stories in Thai media and social networks, could help shift stereotypes and empower families to advocate for equitable treatment. Practical tips include ensuring both parents’ contact details are always up-to-date with schools and health providers, openly discussing caregiving roles in the family, and modeling gender-equitable practices for children.
Ultimately, as families in Thailand and around the world seek greater balance, both moms and dads need institutions and communities to recognize their evolving roles. Tackling the “default parent” problem means not just updating forms and software, but challenging long-held assumptions—creating more respectful, responsive environments for all families.