A recent Atlantic feature shines a light on the “default parent” problem — the default expectation that mothers are the primary caregiver. This bias persists across homes, schools, clinics, and workplaces, shaping work-life balance and gender equality worldwide, including in Thailand.
For Thai readers, the phenomenon feels familiar. School forms often list mothers as emergency contacts, doctors reach out chiefly to mothers, and fathers who are primary caregivers are still treated as exceptions. Despite rising dual-income households and greater father involvement, the expectation that mothers coordinate daily child care remains deeply rooted. This dynamic adds emotional labor for mothers and obscures active father participation.
The Atlantic piece describes U.S. examples but its message travels globally. In one field experiment, researchers emailed over 80,000 school principals using fictitious parental names. When fathers stated they were available, principals were still 40% more likely to call mothers, and 12% of the time, mothers were contacted even after a father’s request. The bias was strongest in communities with traditional gender norms. Such findings reveal how ingrained these assumptions are, even when families explicitly prefer father-first contact.
A behavioral economist at the University of Pennsylvania notes that this behavior often happens unconsciously. Administrators and staff rely on a “mother as caregiver” stereotype rather than making deliberate judgments. A pediatrician in Atlanta adds that outdated software in clinics and schools compounds the issue, sometimes storing only a single primary contact or failing to update records when caregiving roles change. For example, a newborn might have mother-only data initially, while the father later takes leave; many systems struggle to reflect these shifts.
The consequences are real. When schools or clinics interrupt mothers at work, forwarding the call to a partner does not always resolve the issue. Research cited by The Atlantic shows mothers are 30% more likely to find help-seeking with a partner disruptive to their day, and they still remain involved in tasks. This can push women to scale back careers, seek lower-demand roles, or exit the workforce—patterns observed in other countries and echoed in Thai studies and media narratives.
For fathers eager to share caregiving, the default dynamic also causes friction. If a doctor’s office calls a mother for information about a child’s medicine while the father manages care, important details may be delayed. Daycares that default to contacting mothers complicate urgent decisions. These barriers affect family well-being and, in turn, children’s development.
Thai society is feeling the shift. More fathers participate in caregiving, and urban families increasingly rely on dual incomes. Yet government statistics show mothers remain the default contact point for schooling and health communications. While some private and international schools are updating protocols, many institutions still reflect legacy practices.
Cultural context matters. Thai families prize maternal care as a moral strength, even as women’s labor participation rises and fathers take parental leave or flexible work. The need for institutional change is urgent. The familiar refrain of “mom will know” echoes nationwide, from rural villages to Bangkok neighborhoods, underscoring shared experiences across borders.
Experts propose practical steps for schools, clinics, and workplaces. Update contact procedures to recognize both parents’ caregiving roles, and modernize software to reflect changing family structures. Encourage flexible parental leave for fathers and provide clear guidance for schools on inclusive communications. Public awareness campaigns—through Thai media and social networks—can shift stereotypes and empower families to advocate for equitable treatment. Practical tips include keeping both parents’ contact details current and discussing caregiving roles openly at home, modeling gender-equitable practices for children.
Ultimately, Thai families—like families worldwide—seek balance. The path forward requires institutions and communities to recognize evolving parental roles, not just updating forms but also challenging long-standing assumptions. Creating respectful, responsive environments benefits children and society as a whole.