A new perspective from a British clinical psychologist is turning conventional wisdom on its head—what sounds like praise from a friend might actually be a subtle flag of a toxic relationship. This unexpected finding has triggered wide debate internationally and holds crucial lessons for Thai readers who are navigating the intricate boundaries of friendship, particularly in today’s social media-driven culture.
For many Thais, friendships are central to emotional wellbeing and are often regarded as lifelong bonds strengthened through shared experiences, respect, and support. Given the importance of “face” (renown and social reputation) in Thai society, understanding the lines between genuine encouragement and covert hostility is critical—especially when social interactions are increasingly migrating to online spaces, where sarcasm and subtle digs can fly under the radar.
The findings were summarized by a clinical psychologist based in Hampshire, who shared them on TikTok in a short but impactful video. The psychologist, known for her educational mental health content, outlined three main signs that a friendship may have become toxic: (1) Your connection is conditional on remaining ‘small’ or non-threatening, implying a subtle power imbalance; (2) A persistent disregard for your boundaries, with manipulation tactics used instead of respect when you say ‘no’; and (3) Praise that feels like “poison”—apparent compliments or supportive comments that carry an undercurrent of sarcasm, rivalry, or contempt. These insights are detailed in a report from the Daily Mail.
The psychologist elaborated on this third point, stating, “Even comments that appear friendly on the surface seem to come laced with contempt.” When friends appear to cheer for your good news but add a veiled insult or respond to your hardships only to top your story with greater woes, it can signal that the relationship is no longer healthy. This phenomenon corresponds with local Thai expressions such as “khon mai chai phuen,” describing someone who is not a true friend but an adversary in disguise. Such hidden competitiveness or lack of sincere goodwill disrupts collective harmony, a value treasured throughout Thai communities.
Community response to the psychologist’s video has been significant, with commenters sharing stories of recognizing these toxic signs in their own relationships. Some reflected on recurring patterns, admitting they often found themselves in such situations due to underlying fears of intimacy, while others recounted the relief and renewed peace gained by ending these connections. “I promise you will find peace and friendship if you cut off that person to find better,” wrote one TikTok user, echoing a sentiment that resonates with those seeking supportive relationships over mere social convenience.
From a Thai perspective, these internationally discussed signs of toxic friendships overlap with local observations on unhealthy peer interactions. Workplace and school environments in Thailand frequently emphasize “nam jai” (generosity of spirit) and mutual respect as indicators of social health. Psychologists from leading universities in Thailand have previously warned that subtler aspects of Thai culture—such as avoidance of direct confrontation and the use of polite language to mask true feelings—may create fertile ground for toxic relationships to persist undetected.
The recent viral discussion highlights additional “hidden signs” that often go ignored: when your achievements are met with sarcasm or diminished, when your hardships are trivialized, or when you find yourself increasingly excluded once your fortunes improve. In Thai society, where maintaining group cohesion and interpersonal peace can take precedence over open disagreement, these forms of passive exclusion or ‘praise with a sting’ might go unchallenged, leading individuals to endure unhealthy relationships for the sake of harmony.
Expert opinions reinforce the importance of self-reflection and boundary-setting. The clinical psychologist behind the viral video emphasizes, “If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life, and relationships are complex.” Such advice aligns with guidance from Thai mental health professionals who encourage open communication but also recognize the complexities of hierarchical and collectivist cultures—a balance between preserving face and protecting mental health.
Looking at the academic field, recent studies published in peer-reviewed journals have drawn connections between toxic social ties and adverse mental health outcomes, including anxiety, depression, and diminished self-worth (PubMed). One study noted that toxic friendships, characterized by jealousy, competition, and disguised hostility, contribute significantly to emotional exhaustion in adolescents and adults alike (Journals of Adolescent Health). As one Thai university psychologist noted, “Silent rivalry and unkind comparisons, often ignored in daily life, can wear down an individual’s self-esteem and sense of social belonging.”
Culturally, Thai society’s strong sense of interconnectedness can both protect and endanger individuals. Research by the Chulalongkorn University Faculty of Psychology points out that while community support acts as a buffer against stress, the subtlety of Thai-style communication—known as “krengjai”—can make it difficult to detect and address the negative effects of a toxic peer or friend. Students and young professionals, in particular, may feel uncomfortable expressing discomfort or ending toxic friendships outright for fear of being perceived as rude or breaking social norms.
Analyzing the future implications, experts warn that ignoring toxic friendship dynamics can have far-reaching effects, both on individual mental health and on social cohesion. In Thailand, where mental health awareness is gradually improving but stigma remains, recognizing and addressing unhealthy relationships can be a critical step toward better overall wellbeing. Educational campaigns and school counseling programs could focus on teaching young people how to distinguish between healthy rivalry (“gan kaeng kan” in Thai, or positive competition) and interpersonal behaviors that diminish rather than uplift.
From a policy perspective, there is growing interest in promoting emotional intelligence and conflict resolution in Thai schools and workplaces, aiming to improve both personal resilience and group harmony (Bangkok Post). Practical interventions—such as support groups, mental health hotlines, and the training of peer mentors—are also being adopted by forward-thinking Thai organizations.
For Thai readers, the key takeaway is to pay attention to their feelings during and after interactions with friends. If praise consistently feels condescending, if joys are minimized, or if setting boundaries sparks guilt or isolation, it may signal that the relationship needs to be reevaluated. As with all relationships, the presence of sincere, mutual support and goodwill should be the guiding principle.
If you suspect a friendship may have become unhealthy—characterized by veiled insults, passive competitiveness, or a persistent lack of respect for your feelings—it is wise to consult with a trusted counselor or mental health professional. In Thailand, resources like the Samaritans of Thailand or the Department of Mental Health offer confidential support to those navigating complex social and emotional issues (Department of Mental Health, Thailand).
Actionable steps for Thai readers include reflecting on their own friendships, setting clear personal boundaries, and seeking genuine encouragement rather than mere approval. Remember, good friends uplift and support each other—not just in public or on social media, but in moments of both triumph and hardship. Maintaining healthy, mutually supportive friendships is not just a personal achievement but a vital part of the nation’s collective mental wellbeing.
For more information, readers can review the full analysis and expert quotes in the original Daily Mail article and consult Thai-language guides on healthy relationships available through local mental health organizations.