A recent study has turned conventional wisdom on its head by revealing that conflict-driven behaviors—not simply a lack of positive gestures—are the main link between the personality trait of neuroticism and diminished relationship satisfaction. The findings shed critical light on how personality shapes emotional intimacy, and suggest new, targeted ways for couples in Thailand and beyond to build healthier, happier relationships.
Neuroticism, characterized by emotional instability, persistent worry, and mood swings, is common among the Thai population, just as it is globally. Traditionally, experts have advised couples to focus on increasing positive behaviors—small acts of kindness, frequent expressions of affection, and supportive communication. However, this week-long study, which tracked the daily behaviors of 246 participants, found that it is the prevalence of specific negative, conflict-driven acts, such as criticism or making a partner cry, that most strongly erodes satisfaction between romantic partners. Positive acts such as giving compliments were found to be beneficial but were not substantial enough to explain or offset the connection between neuroticism and dissatisfaction (Neuroscience News).
For Thais, where the value of family harmony (ความสามัคคีในครอบครัว), self-control, and saving face are highly prized, understanding the dynamics of emotional intimacy can be especially transformational. Against the backdrop of rising divorce rates and mounting stress in modern Thai society, this research offers nuanced guidance on where couples should focus their energy. The implications for both personal relationships and therapy practices in Thailand are significant.
Researchers used daily diary entries, asking participants to report both positive and negative relationship behaviors. Using statistical modeling, they clustered behaviors like complimenting, offering affection, and supporting emotionally as “positive,” while acts such as starting fights, criticizing, or causing emotional pain fell under “negative.” Further analysis carved out a unique subcategory of “conflict tactics,” which included behaviors such as emotional escalation, excessive blame, and emotional withdrawal. Crucially, these conflict tactics, tightly linked to neuroticism, explained the largest drop in relationship satisfaction.
“The key takeaway is that reducing conflict behaviors, especially those driven by neurotic tendencies, is more impactful than simply encouraging more affection or positivity,” explained the lead researcher, whose findings align with broader psychological evidence that negative habits weigh more heavily on relationships than do periodic acts of kindness. As detailed in the research, “the broad category of negative behaviors explained the association; the broad category of positive behaviors did not” (Sexual and Relationship Therapy).
Expert perspectives reinforce this shift in thinking. Thai marriage counselors from leading national universities, who were not involved in the study, noted that “many couples focus on ‘making up’ after conflicts with grand gestures, while overlooking the small but cutting daily conflicts that accumulate over time.” This new evidence supports the increasing emphasis in Thai therapy circles on conflict resolution, emotional regulation (การควบคุมอารมณ์), and mindfulness.
From a cultural perspective, Thailand’s traditional non-confrontational style can sometimes mask underlying tensions. While outward arguments may be less frequent compared to some Western societies, the study’s findings suggest that internalized criticism and subtle conflict tactics may still detract from relationship satisfaction if not recognized and addressed. Furthermore, the value placed on “kreng jai” (เกรงใจ)—a form of considerate restraint—could, in some cases, hinder open communication, allowing negative emotional cycles to persist beneath the surface.
The historical norms and evolving expectations for Thai couples are worth noting. In past decades, marriages were defined more by duty and less by emotional fulfillment. As a result, negativity may have gone unaddressed. In today’s era, younger Thais prioritize emotional intimacy, and new research underscores the importance of modernizing relationship skills to fit contemporary needs.
Looking forward, the study advocates for a targeted approach in counseling and couple’s therapy: training individuals to recognize and reduce cycles of blame, emotional escalation, and other damaging conflict tactics. Interventions such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based practices, and even traditional Buddhist principles of self-awareness and empathy may offer effective tools within the Thai context. With the Ministry of Public Health and several private counseling centers already exploring these approaches, Thailand has the opportunity to lead by integrating global research with local wisdom.
The study offers a hopeful message: while personality traits like neuroticism are relatively stable, relationship satisfaction is not set in stone. Small shifts in daily behavior—especially a reduction in harmful conflict tactics—can protect and even enhance the emotional health of Thai partnerships. With stress on the rise due to economic uncertainty, changing social roles, and pandemic aftereffects, these findings are timely and actionable for couples and professionals alike.
For Thai readers, the practical advice is clear. If you recognize neurotic tendencies in yourself or your partner—such as habitual criticism, emotional withdrawal, or guilt-driven conversations—focus on breaking these cycles. Practice open, non-judgmental communication and seek professional guidance if needed. While acts of kindness are always welcome, lasting intimacy is best protected by limiting the recurrence of damaging conflicts. By consciously adjusting relationship habits and drawing on both modern psychology and traditional Thai values, couples throughout Thailand can nurture the type of deep, resilient connection that withstands the tests of modern life.