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New Psychology Research Reveals Seven Secrets to Gaining Respect: What to Keep to Yourself

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A new wave of psychological research is changing how we view personal sharing, suggesting that what we choose not to reveal in conversation can have a lasting impact on how others perceive and respect us. According to insights compiled in a recent article published on June 14, 2025, in VegOut Magazine, keeping certain aspects of our lives private isn’t just about mystery—it’s a key to earning deeper trust and admiration from our peers and communities. For Thai readers navigating a culture that highly values face and harmonious relationships, these findings offer actionable advice tailored to local sensibilities.

Respect and trust are cornerstones of Thai society, threaded through everything from family interactions to professional hierarchies. Yet as digital connectivity blurs boundaries and online sharing grows ubiquitous, many Thais—especially urban youth—struggle to strike the balance between openness and discretion. The latest report breaks down “self-disclosure overload,” a term psychologists use to describe the fatigue that happens when individuals overshare in personal or social settings. Instead of forging stronger connections, too much sharing can make people feel exhausted or wary and, more importantly, erode respect.

The article’s seven recommendations combine academic research, real-life anecdotes, and everyday wisdom, making complex psychological insights easy to act on. It draws heavily on studies from New York University, Harvard Business School, and the University of Arkansas, among others, to support each guideline.

The first guideline cautions against announcing unhatched goals. For example, publicly declaring a major life change or ambition—like running a marathon—can give a premature sense of accomplishment, reducing the likelihood of follow-through. The research of Professor Peter Gollwitzer and his team at New York University showed that when people announced big intentions in public, they were less likely to accomplish them compared to those who kept plans private. This matches Thai cultural values, where humility and quiet perseverance are respected traits, and “talking first, acting later” is often frowned upon.

Another key point is moderating the disclosure of personal hardships. The University of Arkansas found that oversharing personal difficulties can damage friendships instead of strengthening them. In Thailand, where losing face can have profound social repercussions, sharing sensitive struggles too widely may make others uncomfortable or could unintentionally strain relationships. Genuine empathy, the article suggests, develops best when vulnerability is shared selectively, respecting the listener’s emotional space.

The third secret targets “humblebragging”—the art of disguising a boast as modesty or complaint. Harvard Business School research cited in the article found that humblebraggers are perceived as less sincere and competent than even outright braggers or complainers. In Thai discourse, indirectness is common, but humility remains a defining virtue. Learning to share achievements with clarity and gratitude, rather than coy self-praise, helps to preserve both pride and social harmony.

Guarding other people’s secrets is the fourth practice. Just as gossip can destabilize communities, revealing the confidences of friends, colleagues, or family members undermines trust. The article draws the analogy of a “vault”: people who can keep secrets become valued confidants in any group, a dynamic that holds especially true in tightly knit Thai communities and extended families.

When it comes to finances, the research suggests that discussing exact numbers—like salary or bank balances—can inadvertently spark envy or pity, emotions that stifle mutual respect. Social comparison theory supports this approach, and for Thais who may already feel uncomfortable with direct talk about money, the advice to share insights about financial habits rather than raw figures offers a tactful yet open alternative. For instance, discussing budgeting strategies or saving habits, rather than income or assets, opens the door for sharing without inciting comparison-fueled discomfort.

The sixth tip is to refrain from chronicling your every good deed. The phenomenon of “moral licensing,” where public recognition of virtuous acts can actually undermine future generosity, is well documented in psychology. For Thai readers, whose Buddhist upbringing often emphasises merit-making (“tham bun”) for its own sake, this research reaffirms the wisdom of humble service over showy charity.

Lastly, the article spotlights the power of restraint in unsolicited feedback. Instead of offering instant critiques—be it about dress, behavior, or life choices—waiting to be asked or gently offering support demonstrates respect for autonomy. This is in line with Thai customs, where criticism is ideally offered obliquely or through trusted intermediaries to preserve dignity.

Experts in the field echo these takeaways. A leading clinical psychologist at a major Bangkok hospital recently noted, “Maintaining appropriate boundaries in self-disclosure is crucial for healthy relationships, especially in high-context cultures like Thailand. Our tendency to value κοινωνικό πρόσωπο—social face—means that oversharing can backfire, even if well-meant.” Psychologists at Thai universities have also weighed in, echoing that the art of selective disclosure is tied to the Buddhist principle of right speech—speaking only when words are true, helpful, and timely.

Culturally, these findings intersect with several longstanding Thai values: kreng jai (a feeling of considerate deference), face-saving, and the etiquette of wai (the Thai gesture of greeting and respect). For example, in professional settings, junior staff might avoid broadcasting aspirations or personal problems to avoid disrupting workplace harmony. Indirectness in communication, long a hallmark of Thai interaction, now finds support from Western research on the risks of unchecked openness.

Looking ahead, Thailand’s evolving social landscape—where generational divides over privacy, social media use, and emotional openness grow sharper—suggests that the art of what not to say will only become more relevant. Rising mental health awareness and digital literacy initiatives in Thai schools and universities may help students develop skills to balance authenticity and discretion, reducing the risk of relationship friction both online and offline.

For readers seeking to build deeper respect in personal or professional networks, the takeaway is clear. Next time you feel compelled to share a new ambition, a private hardship, or a small triumph, the research advises a “micro-pause.” Before posting, confiding, or critiquing, ask: will this comment foster genuine connection, or could it unintentionally damage trust? Practicing restraint not only protects your reputation but also honors the boundaries of those around you.

In summary, cultivating respect in Thai society—whether among friends, family, or colleagues—means recognizing the wisdom in holding certain things close. As the article’s closing metaphor puts it, privacy is like a waist-high garden fence: low enough for human connection, high enough to protect what matters.

To strengthen your personal discipline, try keeping your most meaningful goals under wraps until you make real progress. Choose your confidants wisely when sharing challenges. Let your good deeds and milestones speak for themselves, letting others discover your character through observation, not self-promotion. And finally, offer advice only when it is sincerely invited. By weaving these psychology-backed practices into everyday life, you will likely notice stronger, more respectful relationships, both in private and across your broader Thai community.

For a deeper dive into the original research and practical examples, read the full article at VegOut Magazine. Further background on self-disclosure and social psychology can be found via Harvard Business Review, New York University psychology research, and APA PsycNet, all of which support the trends and tips outlined above.

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Medical Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals before making decisions about your health.