A new article published in June 2025 by clinical counselor and author Loriann Oberlin on Psychology Today is sparking discussion about the nuanced forms of passive-aggressive behavior and practical strategies for dealing with them. The research, rooted in Oberlin’s extensive clinical and consulting experience, provides insight into hidden negativity that can quietly erode relationships at work, at home, and beyond—and calls on individuals to recognize these behaviors and actively reclaim agency in their interactions (Psychology Today).
Understanding passive-aggression remains crucial in a Thai context where social harmony (ความสามัคคี), face-saving, and indirect communication are prized. Yet, the toxicity of unresolved negativity, avoidance, or disguised hostility can breed long-standing resentment and disrupt key aspects of daily life, from family responsibilities to office dynamics. Oberlin’s latest analysis is particularly timely as Thailand, like many societies, grapples with shifting generational norms and the increasing complexity of social interactions, both online and offline.
At the heart of Oberlin’s report is a typology that helps readers identify covert negative actions—behaviors that often masquerade as laziness, incompetence, or even helpfulness. The article details three key subtypes:
- The False Social Hero—individuals who reap praise and benefits for group achievements while quietly shirking their responsibilities.
- Failure to Launch—young adults or others who resist or delay transition into independent roles, often enabled by well-meaning but over-accommodating parents or caregivers.
- Purposely Tone Deaf or Withholding—colleagues or family members who deliberately abstain from group tasks, creating extra burdens for others while offering insincere, sometimes sarcastic justifications.
The False Social Hero is exemplified by a case-study involving co-authors at a university. One consistently deflects project obligations with plausible excuses, yet shares fully in the rewards. Oberlin points out how this kind of hidden manipulation corrodes trust and advises that those stuck doing extra work can often motivate change by connecting action to shared rewards, instead of simply absorbing the inequity or confronting the person directly.
On the matter of Failure to Launch, Oberlin references US data showing that the percentage of young adults living with their parents, which spiked during the pandemic, is on a gradual decline—but still significant. She explains that dependency can become entrenched unless parents set healthy boundaries and refrain from excessive enabling. “If a parent stops enabling and makes that one change, by default the grown child must adapt, figure a path forward, and likely will start to function as an adult,” she writes. The lesson resonates for Thai families, in which intergenerational support is a core value but can become dysfunctional when it inhibits growth and responsibility (Pew Research Center), underpinning wider conversations about youth, economic security, and social change in Thailand.
The final subtype—Purposely Tone Deaf or Withholding—is described through an office scenario involving a female manager left to organize events while male colleagues conveniently evade extra work, justifying their absence with dismissive remarks. Oberlin highlights how such behavior cloaks sarcasm, envy, or a sense of superiority, aggravating gender-based resentments and undermining teamwork. This echoes well-documented workplace challenges in Thailand and globally, where gender and hierarchical dynamics often conspire to disadvantage women and less assertive employees (ILO Thailand, UN Women Asia).
Oberlin’s practical guidance is direct: people cannot hope for change by simply tolerating or quietly resenting passive-aggressive behavior. “Run rather than walk to change your role in the passive-aggressive dynamic, chiefly by adding assertiveness and backbone to how you phrase things and what you endure. Remember: We teach people how to treat us based upon what we tolerate,” she advises.
Experts in organizational psychology and family counseling in Thailand agree that naming and addressing passive-aggressive subtypes, especially through assertive language and boundary-setting, holds promise for healthier workplaces and homes. One clinical psychologist from a major Bangkok university notes, “In Thai society, indirectness is often used to keep the peace, but when it slips into passive-aggression, the resulting tension can last much longer than a direct but respectful confrontation.” Such perspectives align with growing efforts to promote soft skills and emotional intelligence in schools and businesses across the country (Thailand Ministry of Public Health, Bangkok Post).
Culturally, the challenge lies in navigating the fine line between mai pen rai (not sweating the small stuff) and passive acquiescence in the face of harmful patterns. Over time, experts warn, unresolved negativity can create disharmony at home and foster toxic cliques in offices, undermining productivity and well-being.
Looking ahead, Oberlin suggests a two-pronged strategy: recognize the patterns and respond with assertiveness. This doesn’t necessarily mean confrontation but could involve calmly stating needs, limiting tolerance for repeated offenses, or shifting focus to what one can control rather than stewing in resentment. In Thai settings, this could mean respectful but clear communication—using “I feel…” statements, limiting emotional labor for others, and fostering transparency about group work or shared responsibilities.
For Thai readers, the call to action is clear:
- Recognize passive-aggressive behavior in its subtle forms—whether at work, at home, or among friends. Awareness is the first defense against manipulation and misplaced resentment.
- Practice assertive communication. Speak up respectfully but firmly when faced with hidden negativity—a skill that can be nurtured through mindfulness, coaching, or role-play exercises.
- Reflect on boundaries in parenting, teaching, and office management. Are you enabling dependency or failing to credit contributors?
- Model positive change in your daily life, accepting that you cannot change others’ actions but can control your responses.
Ultimately, as Oberlin and other counselors emphasize, individuals can break the cycle of passive-aggression by bringing the action—and the agency—back to where it belongs: within themselves and their own choices (Psychology Today).