A newly discussed piece by clinical counselor Loriann Oberlin in Psychology Today explores subtle forms of passive-aggressive behavior and practical strategies to address them. Drawing on her clinical experience, the article highlights hidden negativity that can quietly erode relationships at work, at home, and beyond. It urges readers to identify these behaviors and reclaim agency in everyday interactions.
In Thailand, social harmony, face-saving, and indirect communication are valued. Yet unresolved negativity and disguised hostility can fuel long-standing resentment and disrupt daily life—from family duties to office dynamics. Oberlin’s analysis arrives as Thai families and organizations navigate changing generational norms and increasingly complex social interactions online and offline.
The article introduces a typology to help readers spot covert negative actions that often masquerade as laziness, incompetence, or helpfulness. Three subtypes are highlighted:
- The False Social Hero: individuals who gain praise for group achievements while quietly avoiding real responsibilities.
- Failure to Launch: young adults or others who resist transitioning into independent roles, often supported by well-meaning but enabling caregivers.
- Purposely Tone Deaf or Withholding: colleagues or family members who avoid tasks, creating extra work for others while offering insincere or sarcastic explanations.
A case illustrating the False Social Hero shows a co-author who deflects project duties yet shares in the rewards. The article notes that this hidden manipulation erodes trust and suggests that those carrying extra workload can motivate change by linking actions to shared rewards, rather than simply tolerating the imbalance or confronting the individual directly.
Failure to Launch is discussed with reference to data showing a rise in young adults living with parents during the pandemic era, followed by a gradual decline but still substantial numbers. The piece argues that dependency can become entrenched unless healthy boundaries are set. It notes that in Thai families, intergenerational support is a core value but can hinder growth if it becomes excessive. Data from reputable sources indicates ongoing conversations about youth, economic security, and social change in Thailand.
The final subtype—Purposely Tone Deaf or Withholding—is described through a workplace scenario where a female manager bears the burden of organizing events while male colleagues avoid extra work, offering dismissive justifications. This behavior can cloak sarcasm or a sense of superiority, contributing to gender-based tensions and undermining teamwork. The pattern resonates with workplace challenges in Thailand and beyond, where gender and hierarchy can disadvantage women and less assertive employees.
Practical guidance from Oberlin is direct: change is unlikely to occur by tolerating passive-aggressive behavior. She advises increasing assertiveness in how one communicates and what is tolerated. “We teach people how to treat us by what we allow,” she emphasizes.
Experts in organizational psychology and family counseling in Thailand stress that naming and addressing passive-aggressive subtypes, through clear boundaries and assertive language, can improve workplaces and homes. A clinical psychologist from a leading Bangkok university notes that in Thai society indirectness is often used to maintain peace, but when it morphs into passive aggression, tensions can linger longer than a direct yet respectful confrontation. This aligns with efforts to promote soft skills and emotional intelligence in schools and businesses across the country.
Culturally, the challenge is balancing mai pen rai (not sweating the small stuff) with the risk of passive acquiescence to harmful patterns. If left unchecked, unresolved negativity can harm home harmony and create toxic office cliques that hurt productivity and well-being.
Looking ahead, Oberlin advocates a two-pronged approach: recognize the patterns and respond with measured assertiveness. This can mean calmly stating needs, setting limits on repeated offenses, or focusing on controllable actions rather than dwelling on resentment. In Thai contexts, this translates to respectful but clear communication using “I feel…” statements, reducing emotional labor for others, and promoting transparency around group work and shared duties.
For Thai readers, the takeaway is clear:
- Recognize passive-aggressive behavior in subtle forms at work, home, or among friends. Awareness is the first defense against manipulation and resentment.
- Practice assertive communication. Speak up respectfully but firmly when confronted with hidden negativity, supported by mindfulness, coaching, or role-play.
- Reflect on boundaries in parenting, teaching, and office management. Consider whether dependency is being enabled or contributions are being credited.
- Model constructive change in daily life, accepting that you cannot change others’ actions but can control your response.
Ultimately, experts emphasize that breaking the cycle of passive-aggression involves shifting action and agency back to individuals. By adopting more assertive, boundary-aware approaches, Thai workplaces and households can foster healthier, more collaborative environments.