For many Thais, navigating a social event can mean politely exchanging weather observations, family status, and workplace updates. But for a significant portion of the population, this kind of small talk isn’t just uninspiring—it’s downright exhausting. Recent research and expert commentary are shedding new light on why trivial exchanges leave some people drained, revealing that there may be deeper personality traits at play beyond simple shyness or social awkwardness (vegoutmag.com, Daily Mail).
In a world that increasingly prizes extroversion and constant connection, understanding why some feel energized by casual banter while others are depleted can help design workspaces, schools, and social environments that respect Thailand’s vibrant diversity. This issue resonates locally—whether at a Bangkok networking event, a temple fair in rural Chiang Mai, or during Line chat conversations among teens and elders. The tension between surface-level conversation and a craving for authenticity speaks to larger questions of wellness, happiness, and mental health for Thai society.
A striking study by researchers at the University of Arizona led by psychologist Matthias Mehl found that individuals who logged more substantive conversations were generally happier. Meanwhile, those who had more trivial exchanges or engaged in frequent small talk did not report a boost in well-being (PMC Article). The researchers used a device called the Electronically Activated Recorder (EAR) to sample real-life conversations and found that the happiest participants had twice as many substantive encounters and only a third as much small talk compared to their least happy counterparts. These findings held across both weekdays and weekends and remained significant even after accounting for the Big Five personality traits, suggesting that the preference for deep conversation is not merely a function of being introverted or extroverted.
But why do some people find small talk taxing? According to a synthesis of psychological studies and popular psychology reports (vegoutmag.com, Direct Marketing News), there are several key personality traits and cognitive patterns that make shallow exchanges draining for some individuals. Here are the ten main traits identified:
Craving Authenticity: Individuals who find small talk exhausting are often truth-seekers. Superficial exchanges feel “flimsy,” as their minds are constantly searching for sincerity and true substance in interaction. As famously observed by author Susan Cain, “Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.”
Reading Emotional Subtext: Instead of hearing only the words, these individuals “listen” to micro-expressions, tone shifts, and body language, making even brief interactions cognitively demanding.
Heightened Empathy: Deeply empathetic people “absorb” the feelings of others, including background tension or discomfort, which can quickly lead to emotional overload during busy social gatherings.
Rich Inner Monologue: A running inner dialogue means that external chatter often competes with a person’s own thoughts, making silence feel more productive, and small talk more disruptive.
Being Purpose-Driven: Conversations without evident meaning or direction can feel pointless and unsatisfying, especially for people motivated by lessons, stories, or actionable ideas.
High Sensitivity: Psychotherapist D. Elayne Daniels highlights that Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)—about 20% of the population—process sensory information deeply, meaning crowded, noisy environments can easily tip them into overstimulation.
Active Listening Preference: Natural listeners tend to value learning about others, but small talk often expects quick, performative exchanges, which can feel forced and uncomfortable.
Love of Complexity and Nuance: For some, the world is rich with contradictions and subtlety. Yes-or-no questions and binary banter just “flatten” the conversation.
Energy Management: These individuals carefully budget their social energy, instinctively opting out of routines that deplete their resilience and well-being.
Valuing Fewer, Deeper Relationships: Rather than spreading themselves thin, they nurture a smaller circle of close relationships, skipping superficiality in favor of meaningful bonds.
This constellation of traits adds up to what some psychologists frame as a “superpower.” Preferring silence or deep conversations is not evidence of poor social skills, but rather, a cluster of strengths: emotional intelligence, self-awareness, independence, and the ability to focus deeply (vegoutmag.com). In fact, in a Thai setting, this preference is often reflected in cultural behaviors such as “keeping face,” being indirect, or valuing nonverbal cues and body language over explicit declarations.
Thailand’s collectivist culture places high value on harmony and group cohesion—sometimes achieved by a volley of ceremonial pleasantries rather than open disagreement. Yet, the research suggests that even within this context, there is room for, and indeed many individuals with, a preference for more contemplative, authentic communication. This may explain, for instance, the popularity of extended late-night chats over street food or the rise of “deep listening” circles and mindfulness groups in Bangkok’s wellness scene.
Thai traditions like “ngam” (quiet reflection) and the prominence of meditation in Buddhist practice provide a cultural foundation for those who prefer depth over chatter. These traditions legitimize silence not as a sign of disengagement, but as an opportunity for reflection, self-regulation, and meaningful connection—aligning closely with the traits identified in current research.
Looking ahead, as work-from-home arrangements and hybrid schooling persist post-pandemic, knowledge of these differences may grow more relevant. Virtual workplaces in Thailand have shown both the benefits and weaknesses of digital “small talk”—with some employees thriving thanks to reduced social noise, while others feel disconnected or isolated (news.ucsc.edu). For educators and HR managers, understanding that not all students or colleagues are eager small talkers should encourage designing settings that allow both surface and deeper exchanges. Incorporating deep conversation opportunities, listening-based group work, or reflective activities can help maximize both educational and workplace satisfaction.
So, what can Thai readers do to thrive if small talk exhausts them? First, reassure yourself that this is not a “flaw,” but a set of meaningful strengths. Practice setting boundaries and seeking out or steering conversations toward more substantive topics—whether that’s in the family, at work, or with friends. Build downtime into your routine for moments of “ngam,” or cultivate mindfulness skills to buffer against overstimulation. For leaders and educators, design conversations, meetings, and class projects that honor both quiet reflection and group engagement.
Above all, Thai society stands to benefit from recognizing the diverse wiring of its people. As Dr. Elaine Aron notes, “our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone.” By making room for both the lively banter of the “ramwong” dance and the quiet depth of meditation, Thailand can foster genuine connection—and, as the research shows, a deeper kind of happiness for all.
For more information and references, see: vegoutmag.com, Eavesdropping on Happiness – PubMed, Psychology Today, Daily Mail Study, vegoutmag.com – Silence and Personality.