Telling small white lies to children — from claiming the tablet is “broken” to insisting ice cream trucks only play music when out of ice cream — is a parenting tactic familiar to many. While these fibs often seem harmless and sometimes feel like necessary tools for exhausted parents, new international research warns that such deception can carry significant unintended consequences for a child’s trust and honesty, even shaping their behavior well into adolescence and adulthood.
Recent investigations, including a major study led by researchers from Nanyang Technological University in Singapore and the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, have confirmed a universal trend among parents worldwide: the overwhelming majority report telling lies, whether to foster positive emotions, avoid conflict, or prompt specific behaviors. More than 90% of adults surveyed reported they were lied to by their parents as children, and over 80% of current parents admit to lying to their own children (OISE study).
But what are the long-term consequences? According to research published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, children exposed to frequent parental lies — both “instrumental” lies (such as threats or false promises) and “white” lies (meant to soothe or encourage) — are significantly more likely to lie to their parents themselves. This propensity is strengthened when children realize their parents are deceiving them, with some evidence suggesting a lasting correlation between childhood exposure to parental lies and increased anxiety, depression, and poor attachment during adolescence (HealthDay, MedicalXpress).
For parents in Thailand, where traditional family hierarchies and a high value on respect for elders may sometimes make open dialogue between parents and children difficult, the temptation to use white lies as an emotional shortcut may be particularly strong. Yet the growing body of international research signals that these fibs may undermine the mutual trust essential in parent-child relationships, even eroding children’s faith in the integrity of those closest to them.
Researcher and child therapist Deena Margolin, drawing on her backgrounds in interpersonal neurobiology and clinical practice, points out that even young children can sense inconsistencies between what adults say and do. “Truth builds trust,” she notes, adding that children who are lied to “are more likely to lie to themselves and less likely to trust their caregivers over time” (Yahoo! Lifestyle). This effect is universal and not limited by cultural boundaries. In fact, recent studies confirm that “instrumental” lies — such as threats or bribes to change behavior — are particularly effective in teaching children that lying is a tool that can get results. Children exposed to such tactics are more likely to use lies to achieve their own goals, regardless of whether they understood at the time that they were being deceived (MedicalXpress).
The recent NTU Singapore study, which comprised a survey of 564 parent-child pairs, highlighted the distinction between instrumental and white lies. Instrumental lies were shown to raise the likelihood of children lying to their parents across the board, while the impact of white lies depended on the child’s awareness of being lied to. If a child knew a parent was fibbing — for example, about the pool being closed when it wasn’t — that child grew more likely to adopt lying as an acceptable part of interpersonal interaction. The implication is stark: “The more children were told instrumental lies, the more likely they were to lie to their parents, regardless of whether they knew they were being lied to,” Associate Professor Setoh Peipei asserted (MedicalXpress, HealthDay).
There are also deeper emotional costs. According to the international longitudinal research teams, repeated parental lying is correlated with greater reports of anxiety, depression, and attachment issues in young people. While an occasional fib does not doom a child’s future, persistent and repeated lying from a young age appears to set children up for emotional struggles, reinforcing the notion that dishonesty is permissible within close relationships (OISE study).
For Thai families, where close-knit extended households are common and children often look up to adults for behavioral cues, these findings hold particular resonance. Thai experts in child development, speaking anonymously according to professional reference protocol, suggest that modeling honesty and acknowledging children’s feelings — even when it means tolerating a tantrum or disappointment — is ultimately more beneficial than using a white lie as a temporary solution. “Setting boundaries honestly, with kindness and clarity, helps children learn to regulate their emotions and builds trust in the parent-child relationship,” explained a Bangkok-based child psychologist.
Honesty, many mental health professionals argue, does not have to mean hurtful bluntness. Age-appropriate explanations and kind but firm boundaries allow children space to process disappointment without feeling deceived. For instance, rather than saying “the park is closed” when it is not, parents can say, “We can’t go to the park today, but we can plan another day soon.” This approach, while sometimes messier in the short term, teaches children emotional resilience and respect for truth, fostering a deeper, more lasting connection.
In the context of Thailand’s evolving parenting norms — where urban parents increasingly blend international best practices with local values — the emphasis on radical honesty is gaining traction. The “Radical Honesty” movement, which promotes absolute truthfulness (including refusal of even small white lies), has been adopted in some progressive Thai parenting communities. However, cultural values of saving face and indirect communication may make such practices challenging in many households (Wikipedia).
Nevertheless, research consensus is robust: Frequent lying, even with positive intentions, weakens the foundation of trust and can shift family culture over time towards greater dishonesty and emotional distance. The ripple effects can be seen not only inside families, but throughout broader society, where trust and integrity are core to community cohesion.
What then should Thai parents and caregivers do instead? Mental health professionals recommend a three-step approach:
- Set honest, clear boundaries, even if it means tolerating big emotions: Express limits in a straightforward way (“TV time is over for today”) and acknowledge feelings (“I know you’re disappointed”).
- If a lie slips out, own up to it: If a child catches a parent in a fib, repair the moment by admitting the mistake and affirming the truth. This models accountability and emotional safety.
- Keep explanations simple, kind, and age-appropriate: There is no need to share the full rationale behind every rule (“We don’t have time to go to the park today, but we’ll find another day”). This ensures honesty without unnecessary confusion or distress.
In a society already coping with rapid technological, economic, and social change, building resilient, trusting relationships within families is more vital than ever. For Thai parents faced with the daily stresses of raising children, especially in urban environments like Bangkok, open and honest communication can be a powerful tool not only for shaping truthfulness in children, but for fostering lifelong emotional health and trust.
Looking ahead, ongoing research on the effects of parental lying is beginning to influence parenting education resources, both in Thailand and internationally. Experts recommend that government agencies and NGOs include the latest findings in parent training initiatives, especially as Thailand’s Ministry of Social Development and Human Security continues outreach on family health and wellbeing.
For parents seeking practical steps, local child development clinics and online communities routinely offer workshops on positive discipline, emotional intelligence, and age-appropriate communication techniques. These resources reinforce the idea that parenting without white lies is not an impossible standard, but a realistic and deeply rewarding objective for families wishing to strengthen bonds of trust that will last a lifetime.
In conclusion, while the occasional white lie is a temptation nearly every parent encounters, research increasingly shows that the path of honesty builds the healthiest foundation for children’s emotional lives. For Thai families, choosing truth — even when it is difficult — is a gift that nurtures not only trust at home, but integrity throughout society. Readers are encouraged to explore parenting support groups, consult with child development professionals, and adopt honest, age-appropriate communication methods in daily life. Every truthful moment builds the lifelong skills of resilience, courage, and trust that Thai children need to thrive.
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