A recent study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences offers new insights into how people end romantic relationships, pinpointing three major breakup strategies that most individuals tend to use. While breakups are a universal and often painful experience, the study’s findings shed light on the underlying approaches people take—and why understanding these patterns matters for societies worldwide, including Thailand.
Breakups are common enough to be considered a near-universal life event. The emotional fallout, social consequences, and psychological scars from relationship endings are felt by millions, influencing personal well-being, work performance, and even community cohesion. In Thailand, where family harmony and social reputation are deeply valued, understanding the nuanced ways people dissolve romantic partnerships can help families, educators, mental health professionals, and couples themselves navigate these challenging moments with greater empathy and effectiveness. The new study’s findings provide a scientific foundation for supporting healthier relationship transitions in Thai society.
The research, conducted by a team at the University of Nicosia and led by a professor of evolutionary psychology, involved two distinct studies with Greek-speaking adults. In the first, 228 participants described how they would end an unhappy romantic relationship. Analysis of these open-ended responses revealed 45 distinct breakup methods, which were further grouped into nine specific strategies, such as “explain the reasons,” “ghosting,” “take the blame,” and “avoid ending it face-to-face.” In the follow-up study, a larger sample of 392 participants rated how likely they would be to use each method, allowing researchers to identify patterns and preferences across personality traits.
Ultimately, the researchers condensed these strategies into three main breakup approaches:
- Soften the Blow: The most common method, used by about 86% of participants, involves direct, honest communication—explaining the reasons for the breakup, taking responsibility, and emphasizing that separation may benefit both people.
- Take a Break: Around 24% of participants preferred suggesting a temporary separation, allowing both individuals to reassess their feelings and relationship prospects.
- Avoid Confrontation: The least common, used by approximately 16%, involved disappearing without explanation or gradually pulling away until the relationship ended quietly—commonly known as “ghosting.”
As the professor leading the study explained, “Most people prefer to soften the blow by explaining the breakup reasons, accepting part of the responsibility, and trying to show that separation is in both partners’ best interests. Much fewer opt for taking a break or simply avoiding confrontation.” These results suggest that, despite the pain involved in breakups, most people strive for approaches that minimize harm and allow both individuals to retain self-esteem and social respect.
Interestingly, the study also explored the influence of individual personality traits—such as agreeableness, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—on breakup strategies. People high in agreeableness, typically associated with kindness and empathy, were less likely to use distant or abrupt breakups. Those with higher Machiavellianism, a trait linked with manipulativeness, were more prone to cold and distancing methods, while those higher in psychopathy (impulsivity, lack of empathy) tended to blame their partner for the breakup. Nevertheless, the overall differences tied to specific personality features were modest, pointing instead to the powerful role of social norms and learned behavior.
The researchers concluded that, regardless of gender, age, or most personality traits, people affected by breakups generally choose predictable strategies. “I was expecting to find more pronounced sex, age, and personality differences in people’s willingness to use each of the identified strategies, but these differences were very small or inexistent,” the lead researcher noted in the news report by PsyPost (psypost.org).
Why do these approaches predominate? According to the study, softening the emotional blow and using direct communication may have evolved as adaptive strategies to maintain one’s social reputation, reduce potential conflict, and preserve personal safety. In close-knit societies—like many Thai communities—the social costs of a poorly managed breakup can be significant, affecting not only the individuals involved but also their extended families and broader social circles. This research highlights how people, consciously or not, often seek to minimize damage to both themselves and their partners when ending a relationship.
However, the study’s authors caution about limitations. The participants were exclusively Greek-speaking and recruited online, potentially limiting the generalizability of findings to other cultures, including Thailand. Furthermore, responses described what people say they would do—not necessarily what they actually do when faced with a real breakup. Self-reports are also colored by social desirability, memory limitations, and cultural expectations.
Nevertheless, these insights have practical relevance for Thai society, where relationship dissolution is still a sensitive topic. In Thai culture, indirectness and saving face often dictate interpersonal communication, particularly in emotionally charged contexts like romantic breakups. The tendency to “soften the blow” aligns with Thai values of kreng jai (consideration and respect for another’s feelings) and mai pen rai (maintaining emotional harmony and avoiding overt conflict). However, indirect strategies such as ghosting—though less favored overall—can increase confusion and long-term distress, especially among younger Thais who may be navigating cross-cultural relationship norms shaped by globalization and social media.
Experts suggest that by recognizing these common strategies, mental health professionals, teachers, and families can better support individuals going through relationship transitions. School counselors in Thailand, for instance, can help adolescents develop communication skills for handling breakups in healthy ways. Therapists and community leaders can use this evidence to facilitate workshops or public forums encouraging respectful and compassionate relationship endings, particularly in the age of digital dating, where impersonal breakups (such as through messaging apps or ghosting) are on the rise.
From a historical perspective, Thai society has evolved from traditions of arranged marriage and extended family involvement in relationships towards modern ideals of romantic love, independence, and individual fulfillment. This shift is reflected in the growing importance placed on communication, mutual respect, and emotional well-being within relationships—and, inevitably, in their dissolution. Yet, the challenge of ending relationships gracefully persists, requiring greater awareness, empathy, and skill.
Looking ahead, the researchers call for additional cross-cultural studies to identify whether these breakup strategies are universal or culturally bound. For Thailand, robust local research could address questions such as: Do Thai men and women differ in their use of direct versus indirect breakup methods? How do urban and rural Thais navigate relationship endings? What role do age, education, and family expectations play? Could public health campaigns or school programs help reduce the psychological harm often associated with breakups?
For Thai readers experiencing or contemplating a breakup, several practical recommendations emerge from this research. First, aim for open, honest, and respectful communication, even if it feels uncomfortable. Soften the blow by acknowledging your own role and avoiding blame. Whenever possible, avoid simply disappearing or using indirect means—such approaches may reduce immediate conflict, but can cause lingering emotional distress. Lean on trusted friends, family, or professional counselors for support. Finally, remember that breakups, though painful, are a normal part of life and can be handled with compassion that honors both parties’ humanity and dignity.
For those in support roles—be it family members, school counselors, or spiritual leaders—offer gentle guidance based on understanding, not judgment. Encourage healthy communication, avoid gossip or negative labeling, and provide a safe space for both the initiator and recipient of a breakup to share their feelings and rebuild their self-esteem.
Understanding the science of breakups is not just an academic pursuit; it is a social necessity in a changing world. As Thai populations continue to modernize—while retaining their unique values—research-informed advice like this can help foster healthier, kinder, and more resilient communities.
For more information: see PsyPost’s summary of the study, “How people end romantic relationships: New study pinpoints three common break up strategies” (psypost.org), and the original article in Personality and Individual Differences.