A growing number of university professors in the United States are raising alarms about a worrying trend among today’s students: many young adults are arriving at university without essential life skills, due to parenting styles that prioritize protection over independence. This issue, highlighted in a recent Slate advice column where an anonymous professor described students “who have never been allowed to solve a problem themselves,” is resonating with educators and mental health professionals worldwide, and holds crucial lessons for Thai parents and educators facing similar cultural shifts.
Warnings about the long-term effects of overprotective or “helicopter” parenting have circulated for years, but the recent wave of research and testimonials suggests the problem is escalating. The experience shared by the American professor—of undergraduates unable to handle basic setbacks, resistant to discomfort, and struggling with practical self-care—points to a breakdown in children’s development of autonomy and resilience. These deficits are now manifesting in the classroom, potentially undermining students’ futures and society’s workforce readiness.
This phenomenon is not limited to elite American universities. Thailand’s own Ministry of Education has reported rising numbers of students experiencing anxiety, helplessness, and even an unwillingness to attempt new challenges without step-by-step adult assistance, especially as families grow smaller and middle-class parents feel increased pressures to produce “successful” children (ThaiHealth). When Thai educators surveyed university undergraduates in Bangkok, they found almost half reported difficulty coping with setbacks or negative feedback—suggesting this international parenting trend may be reflected in Thai society as well.
Research synthesized in a recent Psychology Today article outlines the dangers of prioritizing comfort and ‘success’ over allowing children to experience minor hardships and failures. Author and psychologist Dr. Kate Roberts notes, “Children who are raised without discomfort … have more anxiety and fewer life skills.” She warns that permissive parenting—the avoidance of enforcing boundaries or rules to shield children from distress—can backfire, resulting in fragile young adults ill-equipped for the real world (Psychology Today).
A pivotal 2023 study published in “Frontiers in Psychology” found that parents’ own dislike of witnessing a child’s distress—dubbed “parental experiential avoidance”—is linked to both overprotectiveness and increased child anxiety (Frontiers in Psychology). This dynamic can be seen in Thai households where grandparents and parents, driven by a mix of affection and worry, step in to solve everyday problems for their children, hoping to pave an easier path but inadvertently sending the message that the world is too harsh for them to handle alone.
According to experts like Dr. Kate Roberts, the remedy is an authoritative approach sometimes called “lighthouse parenting”: a style that combines warmth and high expectations, giving children structure but also encouraging agency. “Research supports that children raised with this balanced approach tend to be more confident, resilient, and better equipped for adulthood,” she writes.
This argument gains further support from studies highlighted in a Motherly report, which explains that so-called “overparenting” or taking over age-appropriate tasks for a child actually reduces a child’s motivation and well-being (Motherly). Researchers stress that when parents invite children to try—and sometimes fail—at everyday activities, children not only learn executive function skills (how to plan, manage time, and solve problems), but their self-confidence grows. “When an adult steps in and completes a task for a young child, it can deprive the child of an opportunity to learn how to complete the task by themselves, which potentially harms their ability to develop self-efficacy, autonomy, and other important life skills,” said Yale psychology researcher Reut Shachnai, lead author of a 2024 neuroscience study on the subject (Neuroscience News).
But why is this shift happening now? Sociologists cite several factors. In both the United States and Thailand, families have grown smaller, amplifying each child’s perceived “importance.” There has also been a surge in social competition: more parents feel judged by peers and teachers, and are more anxious about their child’s future in a high-pressure, exam-oriented society. The Covid-19 pandemic deepened these trends, with many adults spending more time at home and feeling an increased urge to oversee or intervene in their children’s every activity (Bangkok Post, Thai PBS World).
Direct evidence is also mounting that a lack of independence in childhood can have consequences far beyond the home or classroom. Declines in children’s independent activity—like going to the store alone or working out minor disputes on their own—are associated with reduced mental wellbeing, higher risk for anxiety disorders, and lower workplace resilience in adulthood (ResearchGate). For Thailand, where rapid urbanization and increased digital connectivity are changing the social landscape, these international trends are especially worth monitoring. A 2024 survey by the Thai Health Promotion Foundation found a worrying drop in problem-solving skills among secondary students in Bangkok and Chiang Mai, correlating with increased smartphone usage and less time spent on real-world challenges (ThaiHealth Report).
University professors, both in Thailand and abroad, now report that younger students expect more classroom accommodations and emotional support. As one Bangkok-based lecturer at a prominent Rajabhat university put it: “Many new students do not know how to register for classes, manage group projects or ask for help directly. When problems arise, they wait passively for adults to intervene." This, he says, puts additional pressure on teachers and staff—raising concerns about how well Thai higher education is preparing graduates for independent adult life in a competitive job market.
Parents, for their part, often have good intentions. The “lighthouse” or “authoritative” parenting approach is widely admired in theory, but difficult to put into practice when daily life is so full of pressures and risks. Many Thai parents worry about traffic, safety, or “face” (reputation); some cite social stigma for children who fail publicly, which leads them to shield their children even more. Still, psychologists argue that every culture has opportunities to encourage independence within its own context—even in dense cities, children can be taught to manage small tasks alone, handle money, negotiate with street vendors, or take responsibility for their studies.
Experts suggest that successful practices in Thai households include assigning age-appropriate chores, encouraging children to express their needs directly, and discussing failure as a normal part of growth rather than a source of shame. “Every mistake is a learning moment—if you let your child pour their own drink and it spills, that’s an opportunity, not a crisis,” says a senior child development expert at Mahidol University.
Some Thai families and schools are now experimenting with Montessori and Reggio Emilia educational methods, which explicitly value autonomy, problem-solving, and discovery through self-directed activity. In Bangkok and Chiang Mai, so-called “forest schools”—where children build, climb, and explore outdoors with minimal adult intervention—are gaining popularity among middle-class parents who see Western-style independence as a path to success (Khaosod English).
International evidence points to the positive impact of such approaches. According to the National Institutes of Health, children whose parents offer choices, set limits without rescuing, and model problem-solving skills score higher in measures of executive function and resilience (NIH article). Other studies confirm that these children are more likely to succeed academically, manage stress, and build healthy relationships—in line with the aspirations of most Thai families.
The roots of overprotection may also be historical. In Thai society, filial piety and close family ties are prized virtues, with parents and grandparents traditionally seen as wise caretakers. While these values deserve preservation, experts caution against interpreting them as a license to “do everything for children.” Instead, they advocate nurturing “strong roots and strong wings”—a metaphor well understood in Thai proverbs but sometimes overlooked in modern city life.
What does the future hold? If current trends persist unchecked, Thai employers may face a growing pool of graduates less able to adapt and solve problems independently, mirroring concerns raised in American and Japanese workplaces (Nikkei Asia). However, a public shift toward evidence-based parenting and classroom policies—encouraging safe risk and self-reliance—could help reverse the trend. The increasing use of digital tools to teach problem-solving and resilience, combined with education reforms, offers a ray of hope.
For Thai parents and educators, the message is clear: preparing children to thrive in an unpredictable world requires the courage to step back and let them try, fail, and try again. A practical first step is simply to reframe parenting “frustrations”—spilled milk, slow mornings, forgotten homework—as stepping stones on the path to independence. As children grow, families should encourage them to take responsibility for daily routines, make choices (even small ones), and reflect on their own successes and setbacks.
Educational authorities in Thailand might consider integrating structured “life skills” curricula into both primary and secondary schools, as many Western and Japanese systems have done. Universities can provide workshops or orientation programs focused on problem-solving and self-management, equipping incoming students to make the most of their educational experience.
Ultimately, the balance must be found between loving protection and letting go—a challenge deeply rooted in Thai culture, but also a universal one. In the words of the anonymous professor whose concerns sparked this debate: “Our job as parents is to teach our children how to be independent, capable adults.” For Thai society, that lesson has never been more critical.
For families seeking guidance, mental health resources and parenting workshops are available through the Thai Health Promotion Foundation and local universities. By embracing the wisdom of both modern research and Thai tradition, parents and teachers alike can give the next generation the ‘strong wings’ they need.
Sources: Slate, Psychology Today, Motherly, Bangkok Post, Thai PBS World, Khaosod English, NIH