For many Thai parents, the hope for a close-knit family does not end when children become adults and move out. The desire to be visited—not just remembered or dutifully acknowledged—remains strong, especially as the years pass. A recent article published by VegOut Magazine unpacks eight key habits that parents should rethink if they want to foster visits driven by love rather than obligation as they age (VegOut Magazine, 2025). These insights offer a timely reminder as Thailand faces shifting familial dynamics under urbanisation and generational change.
In the Thai context, family bonds are held in high regard, with traditions such as Songkran’s “Rod Nam Dam Hua”—the ritual of honoring elderly family members—symbolising the respect and closeness idealised in society. Yet, modern life often pulls adult children away from their parents’ provinces or even the country, and the wish for quality visitation is frequently challenged by emotional distance as much as geographical separation. The findings and expert opinions highlighted in VegOut’s recent reporting provide practical strategies that resonate not only with Western families but with Thai households, where maintaining intergenerational harmony is culturally prized.
The article outlines eight common habits that often drive adult children away: guilt-tripping, repetitive complaining, giving unsolicited advice, refusing to adapt to new forms of communication, holding onto grudges, making children feel indebted, talking only about the past, and expecting children to always visit parents’ homes. These behaviors, though sometimes stemming from love or tradition, may have the unintended effect of making visits feel like emotional chores rather than moments of genuine connection.
Experts featured in the article, including Dr. Guy Winch, author of “Emotional First Aid,” explain that guilt-tripping—such as making passive-aggressive remarks about children’s infrequent visits—does not typically foster closeness. Dr. Winch observes, “When people feel emotionally blackmailed, they withdraw. What begins as an attempt to create closeness ends up pushing people further away.” For Thai parents who might use subtle reminders or jokey complaints to encourage visits, the lesson is to open conversations with genuine interest and care for their adult children’s well-being rather than disappointment.
Similarly, consistently venting about personal struggles or repeating complaints in every conversation can leave children emotionally exhausted. This dynamic has been noted by psychologist Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, who counsels, “Letting go of resentment isn’t about condoning what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from being defined by it.” For Thai families where sharing burdens is often seen as a way of showing closeness, balance is key. Occasional venting is healthy, but making positivity and reciprocal interest part of the conversation helps both sides feel understood and connected.
The issue of unsolicited advice—particularly around children’s career, marriage, or parenting choices—is another common stressor. As Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist, clarifies, “When you give advice no one asked for, it can feel like you’re saying they’re not capable of figuring it out themselves.” In Thailand, where parental guidance and deference are deeply ingrained, shifting towards more collaborative conversations and asking, “Would you like my take, or do you just want to vent?” can build emotional bridges.
Adaptability is increasingly becoming the glue of family cohesion in a rapidly changing world. Insisting that all communication takes place on the parent’s terms (for example, refusing to text or insisting on lengthy calls) can inadvertently shut out busy, tech-oriented younger generations. By making an effort to meet children on their preferred platforms—even if that means learning to use LINE, Facebook Messenger, or simply responding to short texts—parents communicate a willingness to stay connected in their children’s worlds.
Holding onto old wounds and grievances—be it from years past or recent misunderstandings—can transform family gatherings into tense affairs. The ability to maintain boundaries while letting go of the past is crucial for healthy relationships. In Buddhism, a faith shared by many Thais, the concept of “letting go” (ปล่อยวาง) is often invoked to find peace within oneself and within relationships.
Another habit that can be damaging is making children feel indebted for a parent’s past sacrifices. While gratitude for parents’ dedication is fundamental across Thai society, constant reminders of past efforts or sacrifices can foster guilt rather than genuine appreciation. Experts caution that keeping love unconditional is essential for nurturing relationships that draw children back home willingly.
Nostalgia—reminiscing about the past—is a valued aspect of Thai social life. However, only dwelling in the past and refusing to share new experiences can signal that the parent’s best days are behind them. Adult children, like anyone, want to see their elders living fulfilling, vibrant lives. Sharing curiosity about new hobbies, foods, or shows can make conversations and visits more lively and meaningful.
Finally, expecting children to always bear the travel burden or conform entirely to the home’s routine can add to their stress. Thai families traditionally gather in ancestral homes, particularly during important festivals like Songkran or New Year, yet as cities grow and family members scatter, flexibility is required. Offering to visit a child’s home or choosing neutral venues can help maintain closeness with less logistical strain.
Many of these insights are echoed in Thai research and surveys on aging and intergenerational relationships. According to the “Report on the State of Thai Elderly” by Thailand’s National Statistical Office, loneliness and emotional isolation are growing concerns among the elderly, particularly in urban areas (National Statistical Office, 2023). The report also notes that positive, ongoing communication and mutual respect are critical for continued involvement between elderly parents and their adult children.
In interviews conducted by Thai social researchers, several elders at a Bangkok senior community center noted that they “cherish every visit and message,” emphasizing how even a simple LINE sticker from their grandchildren can brighten their day. A community leader shared, “If we want them to keep coming, we must make our house a place of warmth, not of worry.”
Internationally, similar trends are observed. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest longitudinal studies on adult life, consistently finds that warm relationships are among the strongest predictors of well-being in old age, more so than wealth or fame (Harvard, 2017).
Looking ahead, the importance of emotional intelligence within families is likely to grow. As societal changes continue to separate generations, intentionality—choosing to create safe emotional spaces—will define the quality of those relationships. The Ministry of Social Development and Human Security has also underscored the need for programs that foster understanding and adaptability in Thai families, especially as the population ages (MSDHS, 2024).
To foster long-lasting bonds with their adult children, Thai parents can make small but meaningful shifts: communicate with empathy rather than expectation, experiment with new modes of connection, and engage in activities that signal ongoing growth and curiosity about the world. Embracing flexibility with visitation routines and letting go of old hurts can further encourage more frequent and joyful reunions.
In conclusion, staying close with adult children is less about enforcing tradition and more about nurturing mutual respect, emotional openness, and adaptability. Thai readers interested in strengthening family ties are encouraged to:
- Lead conversations with care and curiosity, not criticism or guilt;
- Limit repetitive complaining and foster two-way sharing;
- Ask before giving advice, and be open to simply listening;
- Adapt to new forms of communication, including digital platforms preferred by younger generations;
- Let go of past hurts that weigh down present relationships;
- Show appreciation without turning love into a debt;
- Balance memories of the past with sharing in the present and future;
- Be flexible and share the burden of maintaining familial connection.
By cultivating emotional warmth, curiosity, and flexibility, parents can create a home—and a heart—that their children will choose to return to, time and again.
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