As Thai families increasingly span wider age gaps between children, a modern parenting conundrum is emerging: teenagers taking on the parental role over much younger siblings, especially toddlers. A recent episode of Slate’s acclaimed “Care and Feeding” parenting podcast brought this issue into sharp focus, featuring a parent struggling with two teens who have set themselves up as disciplinarians over their four-year-old sibling. Experts warn this blurring of roles—known in psychology as “parentification”—may have long-term consequences for both the child and the adolescent family members, with important implications for Thai households experiencing similar dynamics (slate.com).
This phenomenon, in which an older sibling moves beyond the natural “big bro/sis” guide and assumes genuine parental authority, usually emerges in families where age gaps are significant or parents are stretched thin by work and other obligations. According to research synthesized by the US-based National Institutes of Health, although sibling relationships are among the longest-lasting in human experience and can be profoundly positive, problems arise when developmental boundaries are breached (pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).
In the Thai context, where extended family caregiving is still common and older children are often expected to help, such role confusion can easily escalate. Culturally, deference to senior siblings is built into language and daily practice, but when teenagers begin setting rules, meting out discipline, or acting as emotional confidantes—or even mediators for parents—psychologists caution this crosses a line. The Wikipedia article on “Parentification” explains that while some household chores or caregiving tasks are developmentally expected, requiring teenagers to carry the emotional weight of parenting or to police younger siblings can be inappropriate or harmful (Wikipedia: Parentification).
Research indicates that instrumental parentification—like supervising, feeding, or bathing younger siblings—can have both positive and negative outcomes depending on the degree, voluntariness, and support present. However, emotional parentification—where a teen is expected to provide guidance, punishment, or even mediate family conflicts—can result in anxiety, resentment, and confusion for all children involved. Data from studies published in respected outlets such as The New York Times highlight that while siblings do profoundly shape one another’s development, taking on parental roles may foster rivalry, fuel rebellion, or cause lasting strain (nytimes.com).
Expert opinions repeatedly stress the importance of clarifying roles and reasserting parental authority. In the “Care and Feeding” podcast, family counselors recommend parents intervene thoughtfully but decisively, realigning the teenager’s role as a positive model and helper, rather than a co-parent. One prominent family therapist, quoted by Slate, notes, “If teens are policing their siblings, they’re not learning how to have a typical sibling relationship, and this can also diminish their own well-being. Parents should respond with empathy and clear boundaries, not by ceding authority.”
In Thailand, where grandparents or older siblings may be primary caregivers for economic or practical reasons, the boundaries between appropriate helping and problematic role reversal can blur. A child development expert from a major Bangkok university explains, “We see this in multi-generational homes and families with working parents. Older children must help, but if this help becomes a burden or is emotionally taxing, it can backfire. Open communication—and explaining why the parent, and not the sibling, should discipline—are critical.”
Modern Thai families are not immune to the same social pressures showing up globally. A 2025 international study on sibling rivalry, cited in The Guardian, found that when older children take on too much responsibility, both they and their younger siblings often feel less secure and more anxious (theguardian.com). In response, Thai psychologists urge parents to provide structure, model appropriate boundaries, and validate the efforts of all siblings—emphasising family unity rather than hierarchy.
Social media posts and viral stories further underline the lived experiences of Thai youth. Online forums and parenting groups regularly feature situations where teens refuse to “babysit” or enforce discipline, saying “I’m not the parent!” This refrain signals rising awareness among Thai adolescents about the limits of sibling responsibility and concern over parentification as a form of “soft neglect.” In fact, legal and psychological authorities in several Western nations have started to recognize severe parentification as a type of childhood adversity, sparking vital conversations in Thailand about best practice, children’s rights, and healthy family dynamics (newsweek.com).
Looking ahead, experts suggest Thai parents should focus on fostering cooperation without crossing into role reversal. This involves allocating chores fairly, voicing appreciation for help, and involving teens in discussions—without asking them to enforce or design rules for their siblings. Psychological literature also demonstrates that, when handled with care, the responsibilities shared with older siblings can build empathy, self-efficacy, and a sense of contribution—but only if the child does not feel parentally burdened or emotionally overwhelmed. A framework for healthy sibling support, grounded in Thai social values—such as ‘chaai-yai’ and ‘look-noi’ mutual respect—can nurture family harmony without entrenching lasting sibling rivalries or role confusion.
For concerned Thai families, the most practical recommendations are: schedule regular family meetings to clarify household expectations; communicate directly with teenagers about what support is needed (and what is not); and ensure that discipline and major family decisions remain the responsibility of adults. If patterns of emotional or instrumental parentification emerge, seeking guidance from school counselors, family services, or mental health professionals may be beneficial. By respecting both the needs of toddlers for parental guidance and the developmental freedom of teens, parents can support balanced, harmonious homes—honoring the traditions of Thai interdependence while protecting the emotional health of every family member.
For more resources, Thai readers can consult guidance by the Thai Health Promotion Foundation or seek advice from educational psychologists at their local government hospital. Maintaining healthy boundaries within blended or multi-generational families is always a balancing act, but awareness, communication, and parental leadership will help Thai families navigate these modern parenting dilemmas.