A recent wave of parental advice circulating online has reignited a heated debate over whether children should hit back when provoked, challenging decades-old practices in child-rearing and school etiquette. The conversation has gained traction after a mother shared her controversial stance through a viral TikTok video, insisting that while her children should never hit first, they are encouraged to defend themselves physically if struck by another child. The issue has drawn fierce reactions—dividing parents, teachers, and child development experts—while raising important questions about conflict resolution and child safety in Thailand’s classrooms and playgrounds.
The discussion surfaced prominently following remarks made by a Louisiana-based mother, who in a recent interview with TODAY.com and a subsequently popular social media post, declared, “If someone hits my kid, I’m not raising them to go tell the teacher. Not raising a snitch. Handle it yourself, hit back, defend yourself, and if that’s not enough, I will interfere.” The statement immediately became a flashpoint, with supporters echoing traditional beliefs about self-defense and detractors warning about the dangers of normalizing violence among children. These divisions reflect broad social anxieties, not only in the United States, but also relevant to educational and familial practices in Thailand, where the question of “hitting back” treads a fine line between dignity and discipline.
Why does this issue matter for Thai parents and educators? Thailand, like many countries, is grappling with rising reports of school bullying and violence. According to a national survey cited by UNICEF Thailand, more than one-third of Thai students report being bullied at school, with physical aggression such as hitting remaining prevalent (unicef.org/thailand). The Ministry of Education has responded with initiatives to promote mediation and conflict resolution; however, enforcement and cultural attitudes vary significantly across regions and schools.
The key facts in this debate are multilayered. On one side, parents advocating for self-defense argue that passivity or reliance on adult intervention—such as informing a teacher—can make children easy targets for persistent bullies. Many voice the opinion that “bullies only bully the ones who allow it.” As summarized by one interviewee, “I was always told, ‘Never throw the first punch but you better finish it.’” Others, however, push for non-violent problem-solving, teaching children to de-escalate situations verbally, seek help from authority figures, or disengage from possible confrontation altogether. Among these is the perspective that “doing the same thing back doesn’t make sense,” and “this teaches kids to solve problems with violence instead of seeking help or resolution. It also undermines trust in teachers and makes schools harder to manage.”
Expert opinion on the issue remains nuanced. A family doctor and resilience expert, contacted by TODAY.com, underscores the importance of recognizing family and cultural values behind such advice. She emphasizes, “The problem with telling people what they should or shouldn’t tell their kids about hitting back, is that you are telling them what their values should be about violence, protection, safety, dignity and autonomy.” This professional recommends that a peaceful response—such as saying “Don’t do that,” disengaging, or seeking help from an adult—should be the first course of action. Nevertheless, the expert acknowledges that an “eye-for-an-eye” approach is complex, with potential ramifications including school disciplinary action or escalation with other families. “That may be the warrior you want to raise, but then you owe it to your kid to talk to them ahead of time about how they may get punished by that situation,” she explains.
The implications for Thailand are noteworthy. Thai education policy explicitly prohibits corporal punishment and encourages positive discipline (unesdoc.unesco.org), yet many parents and even teachers hold on to traditional ideas about self-reliance and “standing up for oneself.” As such, school administrators have reported challenges in maintaining a consistent, peaceful environment, especially when children are reluctant to report incidents for fear of being seen as “snitches” or troublemakers. An experienced Bangkok-based principal, speaking anonymously, observed, “Many Thai parents privately tell their children to fight back if nobody is watching, while publicly supporting the ‘report-it’ protocol.”
Cultural context shapes this conversation in unique ways within Thai society. From a young age, Thai children are socialized toward the values of kindness (metta), patience (khanti), and respectful conflict avoidance—a legacy of Buddhist teachings enshrined in both family and school life (britannica.com). Yet, realities on the playground sometimes clash with ideals, especially when peer pressure, face-saving, or loss of dignity (sia naa) are at stake. For instance, the Thai concept of “greng-jai”—reluctance to bother or confront others—can discourage children from seeking help from authority figures, making the “hit back” approach tempting in certain circles despite official policies.
Looking to the future, this global debate is likely to influence local education and mental health policy. Experts warn that without adequate school safety measures and open communication channels, resorting to retaliation could foster a cycle of violence and erode trust in teachers. Evidence from research published in the Journal of School Violence suggests that physical retaliation rarely addresses the root causes of bullying and may increase the risk of further harm or social exclusion (tandfonline.com). In Thailand, mental health professionals caution that unresolved experiences of bullying can have lasting negative effects, ranging from academic disengagement to depression and even suicide among adolescents (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).
What should Thai parents and schools do next? Practical recommendations include reinforcing positive discipline at home, teaching children to assert boundaries respectfully without resorting to violence, and building school cultures where children feel safe to report problems without stigma. Effective anti-bullying interventions, tailored to fit Thai cultural values, should emphasize reporting mechanisms paired with emotional resilience skills and peer mediation programs. Parents can collaborate with teachers and counselors to model conflict resolution strategies for their children, ensuring lines of communication remain open. As this debate continues across cultures, one constant remains: providing Thai children with guidance that balances strength, dignity, and compassion is essential for their personal and social development.
For more resources and guidance, parents and educators may consult the Ministry of Education’s anti-bullying toolkit (moe.go.th), UNICEF’s violence prevention resources (unicef.org/thailand), and recent academic findings on child resilience and conflict resolution in Southeast Asian schools (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov). Addressing such a complex issue demands collaborative strategies grounded in cultural understanding and evidence-based best practices.