A recent feature in The Atlantic has reignited the debate over how parents should handle children’s chores, highlighting a common mistake that may be holding kids back from developing essential life skills. While many Thai parents are eager for their children to become responsible and self-sufficient, a closer look at both international and Thai family trends reveals that adults may be inadvertently preventing youngsters from gaining the confidence and competence that household responsibilities can provide.
In the article, the author—a Montessori preschool administrator—describes a familiar sight: children bustling around a classroom with small brooms and dustpans, making more mess than progress. Yet, instead of stepping in to tidy up, teachers stand aside, emphasizing not efficiency but the long-term developmental benefits for the children. By year’s end, these same children are cleaning up independently, taking pride in their work and contributing actively to the community (The Atlantic).
This perspective challenges the approach most Thai families still take, as reflected in recent research and anecdotal accounts. In many households, parents and guardians often hurry through chores themselves, aiming for speed and cleanliness—especially in the context of busy urban lifestyles or the demands placed on working families. The urge to “do it right” can push adults to redo children’s work or discourage them from participating, sometimes scolding them for making things messier in the process. These seemingly harmless corrections, according to developmental psychologists cited in the article, actually dampen a child’s motivation to help in the future. A 2009 study of dual-income, middle-class families in Los Angeles, for example, found that children performed less than 3% of household activities, compared to 27% for mothers and 15% for fathers (The Atlantic). Local researchers and family educators in Thailand observe similar imbalances, and concerns about children’s declining practical skills have begun surfacing in Thai media discussions.
The research underscores a key point: children are eager to be included in household routines, especially at a young age when mimicking adults feels exciting and meaningful. When their early attempts at folding laundry or stirring batter are corrected or dismissed, their desire to help fades. This overlooks the crucial learning that comes from these imperfect, often messy, first efforts. As one US-based cultural-developmental psychologist explains, children instinctively want to “go where the action is”—they crave real participation, not token or pretend chores. When young children in a research study could choose between pretending to wash dishes or doing it for real, most chose the real task, motivated by a genuine drive to contribute.
Expert interviews and observations gathered for the article further illuminate how this applies universally, including in Thai society. Compared with past generations—where rural and extended-family settings naturally involved children in daily chores—urbanization and the rise of academic pressure in Thailand have made chores less central in children’s lives. Instead, tasks like cleaning one’s own bedroom or desk are emphasized, with less expectation to take on duties benefiting the entire household. According to one professor of psychology consulted for the article, American families, like many in modern Thai society, frequently give children a “free pass” for tasks outside their personal sphere.
What’s lost in this shift, researchers argue, are the tangible and intangible benefits chores provide. Household tasks build fine motor skills—important for everything from zipping a jacket to learning to write. They foster executive functioning, teaching kids to plan, persist, and solve problems. More importantly, participating in chores instills a sense of belonging and self-efficacy—the belief that one can succeed at difficult tasks. Thai teachers, too, have noted a decline in fine-motor abilities among young learners, prompting some parents to seek expensive occupational therapy. Yet, as highlighted in a recent National Geographic feature, regular home-based tasks—wringing out sponges, pouring water, or folding towels—can fulfill these developmental needs without special interventions (National Geographic).
So why do so many parents—both abroad and in Thailand—resist children’s help? Partly, it’s an issue of time and efficiency. Urban Thai households, especially those balancing work and school commutes, may view a child’s “help” as more hindrance than support. Furthermore, as recounted by the article’s author, many parents recall their own experiences of micromanaging or doing the task themselves, believing it sets a higher standard or saves time. Yet experts caution that this undermines the child’s emerging sense of competence. Repeated rebuffs, even in the form of well-intentioned corrections, teach youngsters that their participation isn’t valued, ultimately reducing their willingness to help at home or in the classroom.
Researchers and educators interviewed for the article propose alternative strategies suited to families everywhere, including those in Thailand. First, they recommend embracing imperfection and starting early—letting toddlers, who are naturally enthusiastic, practice tasks with minimal interference. Instead of chore charts or extrinsic rewards, making chores a shared, social activity fosters both skills and family cohesion. A leading child psychologist consulted for the article suggests that saying “let’s do this together” transforms chores from an obligation to a bonding opportunity. Even for older or resistant children, setting clear expectations and involving them in family routines can, over time, build satisfaction and pride in a job well done.
These findings resonate with traditional Thai values, where the concept of “ruam-jai” (ร่วมใจ)—pulling together with shared spirit—has long animated community life. Historically, Thai children helped sweep temple grounds or cook family meals as part of a wider communal ethos. Yet urbanization, academic competition, and increasing reliance on hired domestic help have made such practices less common in contemporary Thai households (Bangkok Post), a trend that some educators worry could erode both practical skills and the sense of responsibility that underpins strong families and communities.
Looking to the future, experts recommend that Thai parents, educators, and policymakers reconsider how chores are valued and taught. Schools—especially those employing Montessori, Waldorf, or other “whole-child” pedagogies—have already begun incorporating practical life skills and group cleaning into early childhood programs. Community organizations and parenting networks can help reinforce the message that “helping out” isn’t just about lightening an adult’s load, but about preparing the next generation for independence and community engagement.
For Thai parents unsure where to start, researchers suggest simple, age-appropriate steps: invite young children to set the table, fold towels, or stir ingredients, without jumping in to perfect their efforts. As children grow, involve them in tasks that serve the household, not just themselves—watering plants, cooking family recipes, washing shared dishes. Framing chores as opportunities for togetherness, learning, and contributing to something larger than oneself shifts the focus from outcome to process, ensuring that children gain both practical competence and deeper self-confidence.
The actionable takeaway is clear: By letting go of adult standards of perfection and allowing children to “help” in their own way, Thai parents can foster responsibility, skill, and family spirit. In a rapidly changing society, these everyday opportunities may prove to be among the most valuable gifts we can offer the young.
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