As parenting philosophies continue to evolve with shifting social landscapes, a new trend is emerging in Western parenting rhetoric: the rediscovery—or reinvention—of firmer boundaries and heightened consequences over the once-dominant gentle approach. Recent coverage, including the Wall Street Journal’s widely shared article “Goodbye Gentle Parenting, Hello ‘F—Around and Find Out’” (The Wall Street Journal), has placed a spotlight on this cultural pivot. This shift, widely dubbed “FAFO parenting” (an acronym for “F—Around and Find Out”), describes a move away from prioritising gentle adjustments and endless patience towards letting children experience natural consequences—sometimes sharply—of their actions.
Gentle parenting, often synonymous with warmth, negotiation, and emotional attunement, has, in many Western nations and middle-class Thai families, gained popularity over the last decade. Its rise was supported by a growing body of research pointing to the long-term benefits of empathy, nonviolent discipline, and collaborative problem-solving between parent and child (CNN; Wikipedia). However, signs are mounting—both in families and in expert commentary—that the gentle parenting movement is running into both cultural and practical headwinds.
For many Thai parents, especially urban professionals, gentle parenting appeared as a progressive upgrade from the highly authoritarian or hierarchical approach traditional in Thai culture, which could be summed up as “Dek-d (เด็กดี): be a good child, listen, and don’t talk back.” But what happens when “gentleness” becomes misinterpreted as endlessly accommodating children’s whims, at the expense of preparing them to handle discipline or disappointment?
The pivot towards FAFO parenting, according to the latest reporting and commentaries, is a response to perceived drawbacks in overly gentle or “permissive” styles. As outlined in a global parenting trends survey by Dr. Ana Aznar (RecParenting.com), parents increasingly report that gentle parenting, while admirable in theory, places a heavy—and sometimes impossible—burden on caregivers to always privilege children’s needs. “Parents are realising gentle parenting is exhausting. It puts impossible pressure on parents, demanding that children’s needs are always placed first,” writes Dr. Aznar, encapsulating a central frustration for many mothers and fathers grappling with ever-rising expectations of parental perfection.
This fatigue has dovetailed with wider social anxieties about the outcomes for children raised without firm boundaries or consequences. “We’ve heard all about FAFO parenting—a term used to describe a form of parenting where mums and dads let their kids experience the consequences of their actions,” notes a parenting feature on MSN (HuffPost UK). The idea is not new in Thai culture—think of the proverb “ไม้เรียวไม่เคยฆ่าใคร” (The rod never killed anyone), long used to justify discipline. But the twist with FAFO is that it seeks a return to natural, rather than punitive, consequences. Rather than sheltering children from every mishap, parents let reality be the teacher, though sometimes this “learning” is sharper than what gentle parenting advocates might allow.
This approach has sparked debate among psychologists and educators globally. Some, like noted pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg (the originator of “lighthouse parenting”—a cousin of FAFO that marries clear boundaries with emotional support), argue that “children need both structure and warmth; boundaries help them feel safe as they navigate the world” (RecParenting.com). Meanwhile, developmental psychologists caution that without a foundation of trust and emotional connection, consequence-based approaches can veer into harshness and unpredictability, breeding resentment or insecurity (CNN).
In Thailand, these shifts resonate uniquely due to the rapid modernization of family life and changing expectations of children. As Thai children become more digitally fluent and exposed to globalised influences, parents are searching for discipline strategies that walk the line between “looseness” and “strictness.” Parenting research from Thailand’s leading universities confirms this balancing act. One education faculty expert at a prominent Bangkok university recently noted, “Thai families are adapting Western parenting concepts, but with our own cultural context,” explaining that there is rising interest in hybrid approaches—elements of gentle parenting mixed with old-fashioned consequences for certain behaviors.
Importantly, international research, including a 2024 review in Child Development Perspectives, continues to support authoritative parenting—an approach blending warmth with firm control—as most effective for long-term outcomes (Wikipedia). Recent efforts to label variations such as “gentle,” “lighthouse,” “panda,” or “FAFO” reflect how parents seek personalised formulas for an increasingly complex world. The receding tide of “sharenting” (oversharing about children online), the rise of “delayed technology” parenting, and a turn towards flexible education models also reflect broader trends as outlined in Dr. Aznar’s 2025 parenting forecast.
Yet, some traps associated with gentle parenting remain relevant, regardless of the new FAFO trend. As highlighted in reports by Yahoo and Parade, a developmental psychologist points to “two common traps”—inconsistent boundaries and excessive self-sacrifice by adults—which can backfire, underlining the value of predictability and self-care for parents themselves (Yahoo; MSN).
From a Thai perspective, this evolution is critical. Many Thai urban parents—especially those in dual-income families—report burnout from the relentless demands of multitasking and emotional labor, adding to an already high burden of care. The myth that “gentle is always better” is giving way to more pragmatic approaches, blending compassion with clear expectations. In practical terms, this could mean setting firmer limits on screen time (a huge concern post-pandemic), letting children tidy up after themselves, or enforcing meaningful consequences when they overstep. As one Bangkok-based school director explained in a recent seminar, “Kindness must walk hand-in-hand with consistency. Children will push against the boundaries—they need to know the boundaries will hold.”
In more traditional Thai families, where multigenerational elders have a say, there is some skepticism about Western trends being imported without adaptation. “Our ancestors never read a parenting manual, but children respected their elders,” commented one school principal during a national parenting conference. The risk lies in swinging too far towards either permissive chaos or unyielding authoritarianism, both of which can create relational ruptures or anxiety.
Looking to the future, the “FAFO” trend may signal greater latitude for common-sense discipline, where children learn from mistakes in a loving but not overprotective environment. Researchers urge parents to be mindful that children’s personalities, developmental stages, and unique family values all play a role in finding the right balance. The popularity of parenting podcasts, social media debates, and workshops in Thailand suggests that this conversation is far from over.
For Thai parents weighing the “gentle” versus “FAFO” debate, several practical steps stand out: set clear, age-appropriate boundaries; communicate honestly and empathetically when enforcing consequences; remember that being firm is not the same as being harsh; and, most importantly, ensure children feel the security of unconditional love even in discipline. In a changing world, adaptability—not rigid adherence to any single parenting doctrine—will be key to raising resilient, resourceful Thai children.
For further reading on parenting shifts, see the following resources:
- “Goodbye Gentle Parenting, Hello ‘F—Around and Find Out’” – The Wall Street Journal
- “Parenting Trends to Watch Out for in 2025” – RecParenting
- “What Does ‘FAFO’ Mean? All About the Slang Word” – MSN
- Wikipedia – Parenting Style
- Yahoo: 2 ‘Gentle Parenting’ Traps a Developmental Psychologist Is Calling Out
- CNN: What ‘gentle parenting’ does for your kids