The notion of being “just friends” — with occasional intimacy on the side — often carries the promise of romantic freedom, pleasurable companionship, and zero-commitment fun. However, the latest research and expert commentary suggest that these so-called “friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangements rarely remain consequence-free. While such relationships are increasingly commonplace among young adults worldwide, and even perceived as safer or more convenient than casual hook-ups with strangers, scientists and therapists warn that they are emotionally fraught and can leave a lasting mark on the people involved.
FWB relationships have become a notable social trend, making headlines in Western societies as well as in Asia. In Thailand, where evolving attitudes among urban youth have been influenced by globalized media, dating apps, and changing values on intimacy, the subject has become increasingly relevant. For parents, educators, and health professionals, understanding the nuances — both the promise and peril — of FWB is essential to supporting young people as they navigate the modern dating landscape.
A recent article in The Washington Post details the experiences of individuals and synthesizes insights from multiple scientific studies on the topic (washingtonpost.com). For instance, one woman recounts how a college friendship that blossomed into an FWB arrangement ultimately led to marriage. Their mutual trust and clear communication helped them avoid the emotional fallout that complicates many such relationships. But as compelling as these exceptions are, mental health professionals are quick to note they remain outliers rather than the rule.
According to researchers from Portugal, whose work was published in the peer-reviewed journal Women’s Studies International Forum, FWB relationships are growing in popularity, especially among young adults. The study cites advantages such as accessibility, convenience, a perceived layer of safety, and the pre-existing bond of trust between participants who were friends beforehand. These factors make FWBs more palatable than one-night stands for many people, particularly those who prefer to avoid the risks of intimacy with strangers.
However, the research also emphasizes the flip side: These arrangements are rarely as simple or painless as they sound. Another study from the University of Delhi found that FWBs are “fraught with emotional complexities, as evidenced by unexpected feelings and conflicts mirroring those in traditional romantic relationships.” Emotional stress, anxiety, jealousy, and heartbreak often emerge as seemingly platonic partners struggle to maintain boundaries or redefine their relationship as circumstances — or emotions — change.
This emotional fallout is far from rare. Marriage and family therapist Shay Thomas (Atlanta, US) underscores that successful FWB relationships are usually built on “impeccable communication” and a strong alignment of expectations. She warns that mismatches in motivation — whether it’s a rebound after a breakup, a way to avoid long-term commitment, or something born out of loneliness — often result in misunderstanding or pain. “By and large, I believe it’s more likely to cause complications and heartbreak and confusion and kind of rupture the friendship,” says Thomas.
Her perspective is echoed by marriage and family therapist Tracey Laszloffy (United States), who notes that FWB arrangements generally collapse when one person’s expectations inevitably shift. “The problem is when you think you didn’t want this to go any place too intense, and then you find that changes. And then jealousy starts to creep in,” she explains. Laszloffy relates that, while anyone can become emotionally attached, women more frequently report developing feelings that complicate the arrangement.
Another illustrative case from the article recounts a woman whose FWB arrangement evolved into conflict and jealousy when personal goals and desires (such as having children versus remaining child-free) diverged. In her case, only after years and several attempts was a platonic friendship restored — a reconciliation that many never achieve.
Therapist Tracy Margolin from Stamford, Connecticut, argues that FWBs are fundamentally unstable. “There’s too much of the good stuff and not any of the hard stuff, like expressing feelings and being allowed to have expectations,” she observes, highlighting that emotional ties and predictions almost always arise. Margolin questions whether FWBs are a solution for people not ready for real relationships at all: “If the problem is, I’m not ready to get in a relationship, well at some point, you will be. So then that didn’t solve it.”
In short, therapists concur that FWB relationships can offer short-term companionship or be an emotional “testing ground,” but enduring benefit is rare. Human nature, Margolin points out, is to move forward or seek progress in relationships. “Nothing is in a vacuum. Could it serve a purpose for a while? Sure. Will it solve a problem for a while? Yes. Can they endure the long haul? I don’t think so,” she reflects.
For Thai youths, these findings are acutely relevant. Surveys and focus groups conducted by academic and nonprofit organisations in Bangkok have reported a gradual increase in FWB-style relationships among university students over recent years. According to a 2023 study by a leading Thai university’s faculty of public health, approximately one in five Thai university students reported having had at least one FWB arrangement during their student life. Many cited convenience, emotional safety, curiosity, and peer influence as motivations (Journal of Population and Social Studies, Thailand). However, the same study underscores that almost half of these individuals later experienced emotional distress when boundaries became blurred or feelings shifted unexpectedly.
Importantly, the Thai context brings its own unique cultural dynamics. While Thailand is well-known for its tolerant and open society, traditional values around family and romantic relationships remain influential, especially outside urban centres. Students and young professionals often face tension between modern behaviors and family expectations. This can exacerbate the stress when FWB arrangements end badly or when participants struggle with guilt, secrecy, or self-doubt.
Moreover, health experts urge Thai youths to consider the sexual health implications of casual intimacy. While FWB partners may trust one another and forgo condoms in ways that they might not with strangers, this trust can also create a false sense of security. The Department of Disease Control’s 2024 annual report showed a 12% increase in reported cases of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among young adults aged 18–24, with health officials noting that non-committed, multiple-partner arrangements are a key driver (Department of Disease Control, Thailand). Public health campaigns encourage regular STI screening and open dialogue about safe sex practices within all relationships, including FWBs.
Older generations in Thailand, especially parents and teachers, may have little experience or language to discuss these arrangements with young people. Still, mental health professionals stress the need for non-judgmental, open communication at home and in schools. “Rather than focusing purely on abstinence or romantic exclusivity, educators should encourage young people to build healthy communication skills, self-awareness, and emotional resilience,” one Bangkok-based school counsellor shared in an interview with a national education journal. She notes that these skills can help young adults navigate not just FWB relationships, but all the complexities of modern intimacy.
Media depictions — from international films to popular Thai dramas and social media influencers — often glamorise FWB arrangements as carefree fun. The reality, however, is far more complex. Based on the latest international and local research, as well as expert opinions, these relationships are emotionally risky and often lead to unforeseen consequences, including the loss of valuable friendships, emotional exhaustion, and, in some cases, negative impacts on mental health.
Looking forward, it is likely that FWB arrangements will remain part of Thailand’s urban dating landscape as social attitudes continue to evolve. The influence of technology, global media, and shifting gender norms suggest that young Thais will continue to experiment with non-traditional relationships. In response, local mental health services, university health clinics, and education policymakers are beginning to develop more frameworks for discussing relationships in broader, more nuanced terms — focusing on respect, safety, communication, and mutual understanding.
For those considering an FWB arrangement, experts across borders and cultural contexts offer several practical recommendations:
- Communicate intentions and expectations clearly with your partner, and revisit these conversations regularly.
- Set boundaries before intimacy begins — including limits about exclusivity, privacy, and what happens if feelings change.
- Prioritise emotional honesty with yourself and your partner. Be willing to walk away if distress or discomfort arises.
- Practise safer sex and schedule regular STI screenings, regardless of the perceived trust or “safety” within the friendship.
- Maintain a broad support network of friends and confidantes outside of the FWB relationship, so that your social and emotional wellbeing is not overly reliant on one person.
Above all, Thai readers should see FWB arrangements not as inherently good or bad, but as complicated relationship forms that require maturity, self-awareness, and healthy communication. For young people and parents alike, engaging openly and compassionately with these themes — without resorting to stigma or panic — is the best path forward in a rapidly changing social landscape.
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