A new wave of research and cultural critique is challenging longstanding beliefs about heterosexual relationships, revealing why many women are left emotionally exhausted by dating men—while also highlighting how women worldwide, including in Thailand, are crafting new rules designed to protect their well-being and assert their needs in the search for love. Leading this transformation is the concept of “heterofatalism,” a term gaining currency in academic circles and popular media alike, which describes the resigned belief that dating men will be emotionally unfulfilling—even as many women continue to pursue these relationships.
For decades, societal norms, romantic movies, and parental expectations have instructed women that romantic partnership with men is both inevitable and necessary. However, as cultural narratives and scientific research now reveal, many women are experiencing a crisis of expectation—a growing realization that traditional scripts on love can foster disappointment, emotional labor imbalance, and ultimately, burnout. The impact extends far beyond North America or Europe: In Thailand, conversations around women’s emotional health and gender equality in relationships are accelerating, part of a broader global movement to redefine the meaning of fulfillment in modern romance.
According to the article “The Emotional Cost Of Dating Men And How Women Are Rewriting Rules,” published by Forbes on July 25, 2025, the term heterofatalism was originally coined by academic Asa Seresin. It describes a pattern where women internalize low expectations for heterosexual relationships, expecting dissatisfaction but feeling there are no better alternatives. Unlike “heteropessimism”—a trend characterized by irony and performative complaints about men—heterofatalism signals a deeper emotional resignation and weariness.
Experts say the roots of this phenomenon are complex. Many women model their relational expectations after observing older generations settling for emotionally unfulfilling partnerships, sometimes reinforced by media that glorifies dysfunctional love as passionate or exciting. Benevolent sexist narratives, like the belief that “men should protect and provide,” may seem positive but can also position women as passive recipients of male behavior, discouraging agency and reinforcing cycles of romantic disappointment.
Psychological research underpins many of these observations. Studies cited in the Forbes article show that idealizing romantic partners—a core feature of classic romantic myths—can actually predict disappointment over time, especially as the initial spark fades and differences in values or goals emerge. Furthermore, an imbalance of emotional labor is flagged as a key source of women’s dissatisfaction. Women in heterosexual relationships often shoulder the burden of managing conflicts, maintaining emotional intimacy, and supporting their partner’s needs, resulting in burnout and, eventually, cynicism about dating itself.
These findings echo the lived experiences of many Thai women. As a senior researcher at a Thai university’s gender studies center notes, “Thai women are expected to be the emotional heart of the family, always patient and nurturing, even when their own emotional needs are overlooked.” The persistence of these traditional roles is being increasingly challenged by a younger generation demanding more reciprocity and respect in their relationships.
Modern dating apps, while promising more choices, may actually exacerbate the problem. The article references a 2024 Forbes Health survey indicating that 78% of dating app users feel emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by app usage, with women reporting slightly higher burnout rates than men. Gen Z daters, both in the West and across Asia, are particularly likely to cite “dating app fatigue,” often turning to offline alternatives or authenticity-focused platforms in response. Local Thai social workers have commented on this trend, noting that apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Thailand’s own niche dating services reflect shifting social attitudes—but also raise concerns about increased isolation and the commodification of love.
Research explains this exhaustion in part through the concept of “matching hypothesis,” the idea that people tend to pair with others of similar social desirability. Yet, in the high-choice world of apps, both men and women commonly pursue matches deemed “out of their league,” with little success, leading to cycles of hope and rejection. One clinical psychologist in Bangkok observes, “The endless swiping creates an illusion of choice but often reinforces insecurity, self-doubt, and depleted emotional energy—especially for women who feel pressured to keep up appearances or chase unrealistic standards.”
Why, then, do so many women continue to repeat unsatisfying patterns in dating? According to psychologists referenced in the Forbes article, factors include unresolved attachment patterns, the pull of familiar (though not necessarily healthy) dynamics, and societal pressure to be partnered. In Thailand, these pressures are felt acutely by women balancing modern aspirations—such as career advancement and personal autonomy—with family expectations around marriage and childbearing.
Yet alongside these challenges, women are rewriting the rules. Mental health professionals and feminist thinkers emphasize agency, discernment, and self-sovereignty. Rather than encouraging women to give up on relationships with men altogether, experts suggest cultivating intention and clarity in dating. “Healthy relationships are not found, they are built. Moreover, you can only build with someone who is also ready to build with you,” says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist and researcher quoted in the Forbes article.
According to current dating science, actionable steps for women seeking more balanced relationships include seeking partners whose social and emotional values align with their own (rather than chasing profiles that look impressive but lack depth), setting boundaries around digital habits (such as taking conscious breaks from dating apps), and focusing on partners’ actual behaviors—consistency, responsiveness, openness—rather than hoping for change or redemption.
Thai cultural context offers further depth to these developments. While traditional values of family stability and harmony remain strong, especially in rural areas, urban women in particular are experimenting with new approaches to love. Increasing educational attainment, financial independence, and exposure to global feminist ideas have empowered many Thai women to prioritize self-respect over societal approval. A senior social development official recently remarked that “Thai women today are less willing to tolerate emotional neglect or inequality—they want partners, not just providers.”
This generational shift has not gone unnoticed by men. Some Thai men are engaging in their own process of self-reflection, attending workshops on emotional intelligence or seeking therapy to better understand their partners’ needs. Relationship educators in Bangkok have noted growing demand for couples’ counseling and communication skills training. However, experts caution against “pinkwashing”—the superficial adoption of progressive values without addressing core issues of emotional accountability and power imbalances.
The future of dating in Thailand, as elsewhere, is likely to be shaped by continued negotiation between tradition and modernity. As younger couples seek relationships founded on mutual respect and shared responsibility, the emotional cost of dating men may well decrease—provided both partners commit to honest dialogue, self-leadership, and ongoing personal growth.
For Thai women currently navigating the dating world, experts recommend several practical strategies. First, approach new connections with curiosity but maintain clear standards about emotional reciprocity and respect. Second, periodically assess whether dating habits (especially online) are supporting or draining your well-being. Third, don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, professional counselors, or community networks. And finally, recognize that fulfillment comes in many forms—not just through romantic partnership but through friendship, personal accomplishment, and self-acceptance.
As the gender roles and relationship expectations in Thai society continue to evolve, conversations about emotional labor, self-worth, and relational agency are set to become even more central. The message from researchers, therapists, and women themselves is clear: rewriting the rules of romance is less about giving up on men and more about refusing to tolerate relationships that deplete rather than enrich one’s life.
For further reading and perspectives on this subject, see the original Forbes article by Ximena Araya-Fischel. Additional information about heterofatalism and related cultural trends can be found in recent academic work by Asa Seresin, discussions by the Sexual Health Alliance, and in health and relationship research cited by Forbes (New York Times Magazine, Sexual Health Alliance, Forbes Health Survey).