A growing body of research and practical insights suggests that the small messes young children make while helping with chores may be far more valuable than a perfectly clean home. While many parents hope to encourage independence and responsibility by assigning tasks, the way chores are handled—and whether children are truly allowed to help—could make all the difference in children’s development and even lifelong attitudes.
For generations, Thai parents have expected children to help out at home, yet the specifics of those contributions and the expectations around them are changing. According to a recent article in The Atlantic, many parents, in their drive for efficiency and order, unintentionally discourage their children’s willingness to contribute. This is not merely a Western phenomenon; it echoes commonly observed patterns in urban Thai households, especially as lifestyles change and traditional extended family structures give way to smaller nuclear families.
The article begins with an observation from a Montessori school, where preschoolers enthusiastically—but initially ineptly—attempt to tidy up after lunch. On the surface, the results are comical, if unproductive. But crucially, over time, these young children refine their techniques and eventually develop a sense of ownership and initiative in their environment. This journey towards competence is possible only when adults resist the urge to intervene or redo a child’s imperfect job, a mistake that, as highlighted in the article, many parents (including the author herself) confess to making. The repeated undermining—taking over tasks or refolding laundry after a child’s attempt—signals to children that their contributions are unwanted or unworthy, eroding both their enthusiasm and self-confidence.
Thai parents reading this may recall similar moments: asking a child to help set the table or sweep the floor, only to redo the task to meet adult standards. Research cited in The Atlantic shows that in many middle-class families, children account for less than 3% of household chore activities—a trend that holds globally. In Thailand, where domestic workers are common among middle- and upper-class households, the direct involvement of children in chores may be even lower, amplifying this trend.
Experts, such as a noted psychology professor at California State University at Fullerton, have found that many parents consider “chores” to mean tasks that primarily benefit the child, such as cleaning their room, rather than collective duties like washing dishes or taking out the trash. A professor and editor known for work in childhood anthropology stated that parents often give children a literal “free pass” and do not hold them accountable for meaningful contributions to the household. “We give our kids a free pass,” he noted, adding that this lack of responsibility may hinder children’s development of practical life skills.
Why does this matter for child development? Chores, as outlined in the article, require planning, focus, and problem-solving—skills that form the foundation of executive function. Completing tasks like laundry or cooking helps children experience the satisfaction of creating order from chaos, fostering a sense of self-efficacy and competence. This echoes findings from research conducted globally, including in Southeast Asian contexts, that highlight how early responsibility builds a stronger sense of self and community.
Occupational therapists and educators in Thailand have raised alarms in recent years about declining fine-motor skills among young children—reported in both local press and by the Thai Ministry of Education. Activities as simple as wringing out a sponge or pouring water (part of typical household chores) naturally build the grip strength and coordination needed for tasks such as handwriting or using zippers, potentially reducing the need for specialized interventions. A recent National Geographic article, referenced in The Atlantic, recommends chores as a simple way to boost these skills at home, which is especially relevant at a time when many Thai parents seek extra classes or therapies to compensate for developmental gaps.
Beyond the skill-building, chores are described by experts as “social glue.” By participating in household tasks, children become integrated into family life and feel a valued sense of belonging. A professor directing the Early Development Laboratory at the University of Virginia shared that, when given a choice, young children overwhelmingly prefer to do real tasks rather than pretend chores, as they want their actions to contribute meaningfully. This resonates with Thai cultural traditions in which communal activities like cooking and cleaning are taught from an early age, reinforcing the value of working for the benefit of the family.
Still, many parents maintain that their children show little interest in helping, leading to frustration on both sides. As observed by an author specializing in global parenting patterns, it is often the rejection of young children’s imperfect help—either through overt dismissal (“Go play”) or micromanagement—that extinguishes their enthusiasm. The article quotes a cultural-developmental psychologist who has spent five decades studying families worldwide, stating, “Children want to go where the action is,” emphasizing that even the most reluctant children are drawn to meaningful family activities if included.
What is the solution? According to the experts, striking a balance is crucial. A distinguished professor of psychology at UC Santa Cruz recommends making chores a social activity, framing them with inclusive language like “Let’s do this together.” This approach is echoed in Thai family norms, especially in rural environments, where grandmothers and aunts invite young children to join collective work, passing on skills and familial bonds through shared action—not lectures or commands.
Parents are also advised to avoid chore charts, bribes, or allowances to motivate participation. Instead, allowing chores to unfold naturally as part of daily life and maintaining realistic expectations about the initial “messiness” will help establish early habits. “Children aren’t going to be instantly capable at something they haven’t had the opportunity to practice,” noted an interviewed child psychologist. For older children resistant to chores, consistent enforcement of expectations (with patience and empathy) will ultimately yield positive habits and pride in contribution.
The findings have particular relevance in modern Thai households, where rapid urbanization, time-poor parents, and increased academic pressures lead to fewer opportunities for children to participate meaningfully at home. Yet, research suggests that the daily practice of doing chores—though challenging—may be one of the most effective ways to foster resilience, competence, and emotional health.
Thai educators and policymakers may find these insights valuable. Education specialists at the Office of the Basic Education Commission have called for increased integration of life skills into the national curriculum. The recognition that home environments play a critical role in developing these competencies underscores the need for closer cooperation between families and schools.
Historically, Thai culture has prized contributions to the collective, reflected in Buddhist teachings on mindfulness and duty to family. The diminishing role of chores in urban households speaks to a wider cultural shift. Yet, by rekindling the practice of letting children help—messily, enthusiastically, and imperfectly—today’s parents can preserve these traditions in a modern context.
Looking ahead, experts predict that as family structures and expectations continue to evolve, the role of chores in preparing Thai children for adulthood will become more pressing. With increasing concerns about youth mental health and future job-readiness, genuine opportunities for children to practice responsibility and self-efficacy at home could provide an essential foundation for Thailand’s next generation.
For parents, the practical takeaway is clear: let young children help, even when the short-term result is slower and less tidy. Resist the urge to redo their work and instead celebrate their effort. Start early, involve children in tasks that support the whole family, and make chores a positive, communal experience.
For readers in Thailand, consider how your own family routines can incorporate more authentic opportunities for children to contribute at home. Educators and community leaders can support by valuing these home-grown skills as much as academic achievement. Together, we can nurture a generation that is competent, confident, and connected.
Sources: The Atlantic, National Geographic, Thai Ministry of Education, Office of the Basic Education Commission, California State University at Fullerton, University of Virginia Early Development Laboratory.