A casual comment from a colleague, a family member’s criticism, or feeling excluded from a group decision can stick in our minds and cause outsized emotional pain. New research and expert discussion, highlighted in a recent article on Vox, reveal that for many people these daily social slights are not simply oversensitivity, but stem from deeper biological, psychological, and social roots. This new understanding offers practical strategies to help those who find themselves chronically hurt by the words and actions of others—a topic with relevance for Thais living in increasingly interconnected yet stressful social environments.
For Thai readers, the phenomenon of being “too sensitive” is both common and culturally resonant. In a society that values harmony (santiphap) and often shuns open confrontation, the experience of hurt feelings can lead to lasting discomfort, particularly when such wounds are suffered in silence. Understanding why some people are more affected by criticism or exclusion helps explain both personal suffering and the misunderstandings that can arise in the workplace, at home, and among friends.
The latest research spotlights two main factors: innate emotional sensitivity and learned “rejection sensitivity.” Professor Mark Leary, an emeritus psychologist and neuroscientist at Duke University, explains that minor snubs register so strongly because they signal a loss of “relational value”—the feeling that we don’t matter to someone important to us. This goes well beyond “thin skin:” certain individuals are more attuned to the emotional cues of others, acting like “emotional information-tracking sensors” as described by Texas-based clinical director Kelly Guynes. For them, what’s trivial to others can feel deeply personal and bruising.
This predilection can come from both nature and nurture. Some people are genetically predisposed to heightened emotional and sensory sensitivity, a trait identified in psychological studies as “high sensitivity” (Vox, 2025-07-28). Sensitive people can be powerfully moved by environmental factors—loud noises, strong smells, even the mere hint of disapproval. In Thailand, these individuals may have been labeled “lom jai on” (อ่อนไหวง่าย) from an early age, urged by elders to “grow thicker skin” to face societal pressures.
But upbringing and life experience contribute just as much. Early trauma, childhood neglect, or repeated instances of social rejection can shape the brain to expect further hurt, creating a vigilant anticipation for slights—a pattern known as “rejection sensitivity.” As Berkeley psychologist Özlem Ayduk describes, “Any behavior that remotely resembles rejection is going to be perceived as rejection.” This tendency is sometimes reinforced by culture; in Thai society, indirectness and avoidance of speaking negative feelings may lead sensitive individuals to endlessly ruminate over ambiguous social cues.
Gender stereotypes also shape who is seen as overly emotional. Therapist Audrey Kao notes that women are often accused of overreacting, but twin studies show men and women are equally likely to be highly sensitive—contradicting stereotypes that only women are “emotional.” In Thai culture, where expectations for men to be stoic (เข้มแข็ง) and women to be nurturing (อ่อนโยน) persist, those who fall outside these roles may struggle even more with the social fallout from their emotional reactions.
The discomfort of social pain comes not just from the incidents themselves, but from the deep desire for acceptance. “The more someone craves approval, the more you’re going to have your antennas up for clues that others don’t care,” Leary says. A perceived slight can confirm one’s worries about not being significant or valued, amplifying self-doubt and further reinforcing the cycle of sensitivity. This is commonly witnessed in Thai workplaces or family gatherings, where loss of face (เสียหน้า) and subtle hierarchies make social harmony stressful for sensitive people.
How can those who are easily hurt develop emotional resilience? Experts point to several evidence-based strategies. The first is self-awareness—recognizing a tendency to jump to worst-case scenarios. Ayduk and Leary both recommend challenging the initial interpretation of a slight, and asking whether it reflects a genuine problem or a temporary mood. For example, “Maybe my mother is just having a bad day, not commentating on our relationship,” Leary suggests.
Careful reflection can help avoid overreacting, such as pausing to ask: Is this incident really significant in the long run? If the hurt seems disproportionate, it may be best to let it pass rather than air grievances over every minor comment. When direct communication is warranted, therapists recommend using “I statements” (“I’ve noticed you were short with me; is something wrong?”) and inviting the other person’s perspective, rather than issuing accusations that can escalate conflict.
Not all relationships require equal emotional investment. As Leary points out, being more discerning about whose opinions matter most preserves emotional energy. In Thailand, this means understanding clearly which relationships—family, close friends, teachers, supervisors—are worth confronting or clarifying, versus passing over distant acquaintances or casual remarks.
However, the burden is not only on the emotionally sensitive. Friends, teachers, and employers can support sensitive individuals by validating their feelings, rather than dismissing them as “imagining things” or “overreacting.” Clinical recommendations, often cited in Western psychology and increasingly in Thai mental health resources, affirm that acknowledging rather than invalidating emotions strengthens social bonds. This is reflected in principles of mindfulness (สติ), which urge openness to one’s own and others’ feelings without judgment.
The implications of this research extend to Thai schools, where the competitive culture and emphasis on group harmony can inadvertently marginalize sensitive students. Education experts urge greater support for mental health services and teacher training to recognize signs of rejection sensitivity, preventing students from withdrawing socially or developing anxiety. Employers, too, are encouraged to foster cultures of respect and inclusion, aligning with global best practices that recognize emotional diversity as an asset.
Contemporary Thai society is experiencing rising stress: urbanisation, changing family structures, and the omnipresence of social media can make social pain more pronounced. Sensitive individuals are especially vulnerable to online “microaggressions,” cyberbullying, and the isolating effects of filtered digital communication. Recent Thai Ministry of Public Health initiatives focus on mental resilience and community support—indicating that strengthening emotional skills is not only a matter of personal well-being, but a national health priority.
Looking ahead, ongoing research such as Ayduk’s seeks to understand whether self-awareness and coping skills can truly “retrain” the brain. While personality changes are never easy, experts stress that emotional sensitivity is not a fixed weakness but a trait with advantages—empathy, creativity, and emotional intuition—when managed effectively (see related coverage on acceptance and commitment therapy in Thai settings: sciencedirect.com).
For Thai readers struggling with seemingly minor slights that feel like heavy wounds, practical steps include:
- Identifying recurring triggers and reflecting on whether they signal real problems or fleeting moods
- Focusing emotional energy on relationships that matter most, letting go of broader approval
- Practicing open, calm communication—especially with family and close friends
- Seeking professional support when persistent sensitivity disrupts daily functioning
- Embracing mindfulness as a tool to observe, rather than judge, emotional reactions—connecting with Buddhist and secular Thai traditions
By recognizing that hurt feelings are rooted in both biology and life experience, Thais can move toward greater self-compassion and stronger, more harmonious relationships. It is not only possible but healthy to accept emotional sensitivity as part of human variation, while learning coping skills that foster resilience and mutual understanding.
For further reading and expert-backed strategies, see the original Vox article: The reason people are always hurting your feelings.