No one warns you about the anger. New reporting and recent research suggest that irritation, seething resentment and occasional “mom rage” are common, understandable responses to the sustained mental and emotional labour of parenting — not signs of moral failure. An in-depth feature by the Australian Broadcasting Corporation found mothers routinely suppress anger because cultural narratives of the “perfect mother” label such feelings as unacceptable, leaving many women feeling “socially gaslit” into silence (ABC News). Academic studies reinforce that the mental load — the invisible planning, organising and emotional labour of family life — falls heavily on mothers and is closely linked to frustration, burnout and mood disturbance (University of Bath / University of Melbourne research release; ScienceDaily summary).
This matters to Thai readers because cultural expectations about mothers, high social value placed on familial harmony and limited public discussion of parental anger can magnify isolation, reduce help-seeking and leave families without practical ways to rebalance care. Recognising maternal anger as a meaningful signal — about unmet needs, unequal household work, sleep deprivation or gaps in community support — opens a path for kinder family dynamics, better mental-health care and policy changes that protect mothers and children.
Decades of clinical and sociological research show maternal anger is neither rare nor inexplicable. Qualitative studies describe persistent anger after childbirth as an overlooked dimension of postpartum experience and a marker of distress when intense or prolonged (Seeing Red: a grounded theory study, SAGE Journals, 2022). A longitudinal analysis of maternal mood linked fluctuations in depression and anxiety with episodes of anger, underlining how negative affect in the perinatal period can influence family wellbeing (PMC article on maternal depressive symptoms, anxiety and anger). Separate empirical work on the “mental load” — the anticipatory, cognitive side of household work — finds mothers report handling roughly seven in ten such tasks, a stark imbalance that helps explain why anger frequently arises (University of Bath / University of Melbourne study summary; ScienceDaily).
Key facts and recent developments build a consistent picture. In the ABC feature, mothers described how day-to-day mental labour — remembering school events, booking appointments, researching clothes sizes and activities, and keeping household logistics running while also working professionally — becomes an invisible, round‑the‑clock burden. Clinical psychologists and sociologists quoted in the story urged a reframing: instead of pathologising anger, see it as a useful signal about unmet needs and structural inequalities in both private and public life (ABC News). Researchers who study household labour show that many fathers overestimate how much they share cognitive work, while mothers consistently report bearing the bulk of planning and emotional labour; that mismatch fuels resentment and the feeling of being alone in keeping the household afloat (University of Bath release).
Experts told ABC anger should not automatically trigger alarm that a mother is failing; instead, it can be a prompt to investigate practical changes. A clinical psychologist interviewed explained that while yelling or violence towards children always requires immediate professional help, feeling angry is often normal and points to where supports are missing — more sleep, more shared responsibility, time for self, or therapeutic support (ABC News). A sociologist specialising in motherhood described how cultural myths of the selfless, endlessly patient mother “gaslight” women into hiding conflicting emotions, and how that secrecy increases isolation and reduces collective problem‑solving (ABC News).
These findings align with peer‑reviewed work. The grounded-theory study “Seeing Red” documented how postpartum anger can be persistent and is often rooted in unjust expectations, lack of help and identity change following childbirth (SAGE Journals). Broader mental‑health research shows that periods of high negative affect — including anger — commonly co-occur with depressive and anxious symptoms in mothers, and that addressing the social determinants of stress (workload, sleep, social support) can reduce risk to both mother and child (PMC article).
For Thai readers, the cultural context matters. Thai society traditionally venerates motherhood; mothers are often expected to show self-sacrifice, patience and emotional equanimity. Buddhist teachings that prize “jai yen” (a cool, composed heart) and social norms emphasising filial piety and family harmony can discourage open discussion of frustration and anger. At the same time, changing economic realities — more women working outside the home, smaller household sizes, and the erosion of extended-family supports — mean many Thai mothers now shoulder intense cognitive and emotional work with fewer hands to help. These shifts mirror international findings: when invisible planning and emotional labour are concentrated on one person, the risk of exhaustion and emotional disconnection grows (University of Bath release).
Thailand has structures that can help, but awareness remains incomplete. The World Health Organization and global maternal mental health literature stress that perinatal mental disorders are common and treatable; recognising anger as a valid emotional state rather than a taboo can make it easier for mothers to seek care (WHO maternal mental health resources). The Thai Department of Mental Health operates national resources and helplines — including a 24‑hour mental health line that people can contact for guidance — and public campaigns in recent years have aimed to reduce stigma and expand access to psychological support (Department of Mental Health, Thailand; Thai government mental‑health information page). But many families still default to silence rather than conversation about emotional strain.
There are immediate, practical steps families and communities in Thailand can take, drawn from the research and expert recommendations in the ABC feature and the academic literature. First, reframe anger as information: when mothers feel angry, it often signals specific unmet needs (sleep, time alone, equitable division of tasks, financial or workplace flexibility). A therapist quoted in the ABC piece suggested mothers tune into the “pain points” of their day — identify the moments anger arises and what task or strain it maps to — then use that insight to ask for concrete help (ABC News). This is consistent with therapeutic approaches that treat anger as an adaptive emotion that can motivate change when channelled constructively (SAGE study).
Second, rebalance the mental load. Studies show that simply talking about who remembers what — and making a visible task list — significantly reduces resentment. The University of Bath research recommends couples and co-parents map out cognitive tasks (appointments, clothing sizes, school events) and agree who will take responsibility for each item or how they will share planning time (University of Bath release). In Thailand this can be framed as a matter of family wellbeing rather than a challenge to traditional roles; reminding partners that shared planning improves family functioning and preserves mothers’ capacity to care can gain quicker buy-in.
Third, normalise peer support and make help visible. The ABC reporting found mothers often fear social ostracism if they admit anger; conversely, many mothers say once they meet other parents “in the trenches” they realise others feel the same and mutual support follows (ABC News). In Thailand, strengthening mother‑to‑mother groups through community health centres, temples, maternal-child clinics and online platforms can provide safe spaces to discuss mixed feelings without judgment. Public-health messaging from primary-care providers and local health volunteers (e.g., public health officers and village health volunteers) could emphasise that mixed emotions are normal and point to local resources.
Fourth, ensure clinical help is accessible and pitched appropriately. Not all anger is a sign of psychiatric disorder; still, when anger is intense, uncontrollable, chronic, or accompanied by thoughts of harming self or others, immediate professional intervention is required. The research base recommends screening for anger and negative affect during routine postnatal checks, alongside screening for depression and anxiety, and offering referrals to counselling when needed (PMC article on mood fluctuations). Thailand’s Department of Mental Health provides helplines and materials that clinicians and community health workers can use to guide referrals and follow-up care (Department of Mental Health, Thailand).
Fifth, advocate for policy changes that reduce the structural drivers of anger. The mental-load research highlights how workplace policies and parental‑leave schemes influence how unpaid care is shared and how much pressure falls on mothers’ shoulders. Governments and employers who wish to support family wellbeing should consider better paid parental leave (gender‑neutral where possible), flexible work arrangements, employer-supported childcare and public funding for community parenting supports. The international literature and policy commentaries point to gender‑neutral parental leave as one evidence‑based lever to redistribute early childcare responsibility and reduce the disproportionate mental load on mothers (University of Bath release).
What might come next? Awareness of maternal anger as a legitimate subject of public-health interest appears to be growing. Researchers are calling for more systematic study — better measurement of cognitive labour, longitudinal work on anger across the perinatal period, and trials of interventions that combine couple-based approaches, workplace reform and community supports. If Thailand and other countries take up this agenda, we may see more routine screening for anger during postnatal care, more father-focused parenting education to share the cognitive tasks, and public campaigns that normalise the coexistence of love and frustration in parenting. Conversely, if stigma persists and services remain underfunded, maternal anger will continue to be localised as a private embarrassment — a hidden driver of poor maternal wellbeing and strained family relationships.
For Thai readers who are mothers, partners, health workers or community leaders, here are concrete, practical recommendations informed by the reporting and the evidence:
- If you are a mother, give yourself permission to notice your anger without self‑condemnation. Track the times it arises and ask: what task or need is this anger pointing to? Could a small change (one fewer chore, a night of shared bedtime duty, a scheduled break) make a difference? The ABC feature summarises several reflection prompts that clinicians recommend (ABC News).
- If you have a partner, sit down together and make visible the cognitive tasks you each carry. Use a shared calendar or a written list and agree explicit responsibility for planning tasks — then stick to it. Research shows making invisible work visible reduces resentment and improves fairness (University of Bath release).
- If you feel overwhelmed, seek help early. Thailand’s Department of Mental Health provides guidance and helplines; local primary‑care clinics can advise on counselling options (Department of Mental Health, Thailand). If you are in immediate danger or worried about harming yourself or others, contact emergency services and your local mental‑health crisis line without delay.
- Community leaders and health workers can create non‑judgmental forums for mothers to share mixed emotions and practical tips. Village health volunteers, maternal-child clinics and temple-based groups can normalise conversations about the frustrations of parenting.
- Employers and policymakers should consider whether parental-leave policies, flexible working and childcare support are adequate; small policy changes can shift the distribution of household cognitive labour and reduce the emotional toll on mothers (University of Bath release).
Acknowledging anger does not excuse harm. As clinicians emphasize, any expression of anger that becomes violent or abusive must be addressed immediately with appropriate safety planning, therapy and legal support (SAGE study; ABC News, ABC News). But suppressing understandable emotions because of shame or fear also harms families over time. The research and reporting converge on a simple principle: when mothers’ anger is heard rather than gaslit away, families and societies have the chance to respond — by redistributing tasks, creating supportive services, and safeguarding maternal mental health.
Sources used in this report include reporting in the Australian Broadcasting Corporation feature “It’s ‘completely normal’ to feel anger in motherhood. So why do so many mums stay silent?” (ABC News), the University of Bath and University of Melbourne summary of research on the mental load (University of Bath announcement), a ScienceDaily briefing on the same study (ScienceDaily), peer‑reviewed studies on postpartum anger and mood fluctuations (Seeing Red: grounded theory, SAGE Journals; Fluctuations in Maternal Depressive Symptoms, Anxiety and Anger, PMC), and contextual resources from the Thai Department of Mental Health (Department of Mental Health, Thailand) and international maternal‑health guidance (WHO maternal health). Additional commentary on the mental-load concept and public discussion appeared in The Conversation (The Conversation on mental load).