A growing body of research and commentary argues that the cultural ideal of “having it all” — combining an uninterrupted career, hands-on parenting, flawless household management and emotional availability — is a misleading and harmful benchmark for many women. New studies tie the burden of invisible household and cognitive labour to higher rates of stress, burnout and stalled careers for mothers, while policy gaps and workplace norms leave many without realistic supports. For Thai families navigating strong family expectations and evolving labour patterns, the evidence suggests pragmatic policy and workplace changes, not perfectionist ideals, will deliver better outcomes for women, children and the economy (WSJ opinion ; systematic review of mental labour ; cognitive household labour study).
The debate matters because the “having it all” narrative sets individual women and families up to fail rather than prompting social change. Research now frames the problem less as individual weakness and more as an unequal distribution of demands and resources: while many women continue to carry the lion’s share of day-to-day planning, emotional management and caregiving, workplaces and public policy have not adapted quickly enough to compensate. That mismatch increases mental health risks and reduces women’s long-term economic security, reversing gains in female labour-force participation unless governments and employers step in (systematic review of mental labour ; impact on career progression).
Recent empirical work has sharpened our understanding of what the invisible burden looks like and why it matters. Scholars use the terms “mental load” and “cognitive household labour” to describe the ongoing planning, organising and emotional work that keeps households functioning — from scheduling doctor’s visits and remembering school deadlines to managing children’s emotional needs. One recent review concluded that women perform a larger share of this mental labour, particularly around childcare and parenting decisions, and that this imbalance is consistently linked to higher stress and psychological strain for mothers (systematic review of mental labour). A separate multi-centre study found that cognitive labour was associated with “women’s depression, stress, burnout, overall mental health, and relationship functioning,” highlighting that the costs are measurable and serious (cognitive household labour study).
Those mental-health findings have economic and career consequences. Research summarising the impact of motherhood on career progression shows that becoming a mother often shifts work trajectories — women face slower promotion, narrower opportunity windows and increased exits from the paid labour market — effects that accumulate over time and widen gender gaps in earnings and senior leadership representation (impact on career progression). These outcomes are not driven solely by individual choices; they reflect structural factors including inflexible work hours, inadequate parental leave, limited childcare capacity and persistent expectations that women will absorb domestic demands.
Experts writing in recent commentaries and academic papers urge a reframing: move away from moralising “having it all” as a private test of willpower and treat work–family pressures as collective problems requiring institutional solutions. As one review put it, the idea that women should simply manage more, faster and better ignores the unequal division of labour and the mental toll it exacts (systematic review of mental labour). Policymakers and employers can reduce that toll through targeted investments in parental leave, affordable childcare, flexible scheduling and cultures that normalize both men’s caregiving and women’s career continuity (UNICEF policy brief on parental leave, Thailand ; ILO summary of Thai regulations).
For Thailand, the research raises direct policy and workplace questions. Thailand’s female labour-force participation has remained robust — about 58–60% in recent estimates — meaning that many Thai mothers must balance paid work with household responsibilities (World Bank gender data portal). The country has taken steps to strengthen protections for mothers: maternity leave in Thailand now stands at 98 days under national law, with some social-security mechanisms and employer contributions shaping who can access paid leave and for how long (UN Women report on Thailand implementation ; ILO on Thai maternity leave). Yet gaps remain in accessible, affordable childcare, flexible work options across sectors, and cultural expectations that women will carry primary responsibility for family logistics.
Thai cultural context complicates change but also offers strengths. Family-oriented values and multi-generational households can provide informal caregiving networks that buffer pressures for some mothers; extended family support remains common in many provinces. At the same time, those same expectations can reinforce the invisible mental load, because relatives may also default to mothers as the household managers — an outcome shaped by longstanding gender norms and the cultural premium on filial duty and family harmony. Public conversations in Thailand that invoke Buddhist values of moderation, compassion and pragmatic compromise could help reframe success away from perfection and toward sustainable family wellbeing, while preserving the Thai emphasis on close family bonds.
Several practical steps emerge from the evidence that Thai policymakers and employers can pursue to reduce the harms of the “having it all” ideal. First, expanding access to affordable, quality childcare helps free mothers from constant juggling and preserves career continuity; UNICEF and ILO analyses recommend public subsidies and incentives for employer-supported childcare as high-impact interventions (UNICEF parental leave brief for Thailand). Second, promoting flexible work arrangements — hybrid schedules, predictable part-time options and measurable output-based evaluation — reduces time conflicts without penalizing career progression. Third, normalizing men’s participation through paternity leave policies and workplace campaigns reduces the default expectation that mothers will do the cognitive work of family management; countries with more equal parental-leave uptake report narrower gender gaps in promotions and earnings. Thailand has room to expand incentives for fathers to take leave and for employers to support role-sharing in households (UN Women Thailand report).
Workplace culture change is as important as formal policy. Employers that measure productivity in outputs rather than face time, provide re-entry pathways after parental leave, and offer managerial training on equitable delegation can reduce the career penalties mothers often face. Small- and medium-sized enterprises — which make up a large share of Thai employment — will need pragmatic tools and financial incentives to adopt family-friendly practices without risking viability; government tax credits or social insurance reforms can be part of that package (ILO Thailand migration report and policy briefs).
There are early signs globally and regionally that some organisations and governments are shifting away from “having it all” rhetoric toward policies that accept trade-offs and prioritise well-being. Evidence shows that when workplaces reduce the cognitive and scheduling burdens on mothers, both family mental health and firm productivity improve. Conversely, continued glorification of busyness and perfectionism tends to mask structural problems and perpetuate gender inequality. As one recent academic summary observed, treating mental labour as a collective social issue rather than a private failing creates pathways for policy solutions that can improve maternal mental health and economic participation (cognitive household labour study).
What could the next five years look like for Thailand if policymakers follow the evidence? With targeted investments in childcare and incentives for flexible work and fathers’ leave, Thailand could reduce the hours and mental load shouldered by mothers, leading to measurable gains in women’s career retention and family wellbeing. That shift would also help employers by broadening talent pools and reducing turnover. Without policy action, the country risks higher maternal burnout and lost economic potential as demographic pressures and an ageing population increase demand for both paid care and informal family support (World Bank Thailand data ; ILO Thailand reports).
For Thai families and employers seeking practical steps now, the research points to clear, actionable measures. Employers should pilot flexible schedules, explicitly monitor promotion and pay equity for parents, and provide manager training to reduce bias against caregiving employees. Government should prioritise expanding affordable childcare, streamline access to social-security parental benefits, and consider incentives for small businesses to adopt family-friendly policies. Families can benefit from open conversations about task-sharing, early planning for transitions back to work, and realistic goal-setting that reframes success as sustainable balance rather than flawless performance. Community organisations and Buddhist temples, which play a social role in many provinces, can help normalise shared caregiving and emotional support without moral judgement.
The takeaway is neither a call to abandon ambition nor an argument for lowered standards — it is an evidence-based reframing. “Having it all” as a measure of personal worth is an unhelpful ideal when structural constraints shape what is possible. Replacing that cultural litmus test with policies and workplace practices that distribute time, money and emotional labour more fairly will produce healthier families, more resilient careers for women, and stronger economic outcomes for Thailand. As research shows, addressing the invisible mental load and the policy gaps that sustain it is where the biggest gains lie (systematic review of mental labour ; cognitive household labour study ; UNICEF Thailand parental leave brief).
Sources: The Wall Street Journal opinion piece “‘Having It All’ Isn’t a Useful Vision of Success” (WSJ opinion); academic reviews and studies on gendered mental labour and cognitive household labour (systematic review of mental labour, 2023; cognitive household labour study, 2024; impact of motherhood on career progression, 2024); policy and country-specific analyses for Thailand (UNICEF rapid assessment of paid parental leave, Thailand; UN Women review of Thailand Beijing Declaration implementation; ILO summary of Thai labour regulations and maternity leave; World Bank gender data for Thailand).