A popular U.S. parenting influencer recently admitted on social media that she sometimes gives her children the answers to homework and takes a large share of school projects — a candid confession that has reignited debate about where support ends and over‑helping begins. The episode has drawn fresh attention to a growing body of research showing that the way parents help with homework matters for children’s motivation, emotional health and learning independence. Evidence suggests well‑intentioned assistance can improve grades in the short term, but persistent, controlling help may raise anxiety, reduce autonomy and blunt problem‑solving skills unless it is framed by warm communication and scaffolding from adults. (People’s reporting of the influencer’s admission is available here (Mom Influencer Defends Why She’s Been Doing Her Kids’ Homework for Years)).
The confession touched a nerve because it highlights a universal parenting dilemma: parents are depleted after long work or school days and naturally want to ease children’s burdens. The influencer said she sometimes “gives them the freaking answers” to avoid drawn‑out frustration and meltdowns at home. That impulse — short‑term comfort in exchange for solved problems — is understandable. But education researchers warn that repeated substitution of adult answers for child effort can increase children’s negative emotions about learning and hamper long‑term self‑reliance. (The dynamics between parental homework help and children’s emotions are explored in a recent study of Chinese families that found higher parental involvement in homework was associated with more student negative emotions, while strong parent‑child communication reduced harms (Effects of Parent Involvement in Homework on Students’ Negative Emotions in Chinese Students)).
Global and psychological studies paint a complex picture. Large meta‑analyses find modest overall benefits from parental involvement that supports learning environments, but also show that intrusive, controlling behaviors can backfire. A 2019 meta‑analysis of parental involvement and child adjustment concluded that natural, supportive parental engagement has small positive links to academic outcomes, yet effects vary by how parents act and by cultural context (The relation between parents’ involvement in children’s schooling and children’s adjustment: A meta-analysis). Newer experimental and observational work points to two mechanisms that explain when help helps and when it harms: parental emotion regulation and parents’ ability to mentalize — to see tasks from the child’s perspective. When parents struggle to manage their own frustration or take over without scaffolding, help can reduce children’s confidence and raise stress during homework time (Why things can go wrong when parents try to help children with their homework: The role of parental emotion regulation and mentalization).
The People story triggered renewed interest because the influencer framed her approach as practical parenting: her daughters generally do well at school and she steps in when they are “fidgety and annoyed.” That rationale — protect short‑term wellbeing and preserve family peace — aligns with what many parents say. But research underscores an important caveat: the emotional tone and purpose of help matter. The Chinese CFPS analysis found that the negative emotional effects of heavy parental homework involvement were smaller when families reported higher quality parent‑child communication and clearer family responsibility structures. In other words, help embedded in warm dialogue and shared expectations is less likely to harm children’s mood and motivation than help that feels controlling or punitive (Effects of Parent Involvement in Homework on Students’ Negative Emotions in Chinese Students).
Experts and scholars describe practical distinctions between productive support and problematic control. Researchers summarize that helpful practices include setting an encouraging routine, offering hints rather than full answers, modelling problem‑solving steps, and praising effort; harmful practices include doing the work for the child, expressing impatience, and using homework as a proxy for parental worth or school comparison. These distinctions are backed by cross‑national reviews and lab‑based studies showing that parents who regulate their own emotions and who mentalize their children’s perspective are more likely to foster adaptive motivation and reduce homework conflict (The relation between parents’ involvement…; Why things can go wrong…).
For Thai parents and schools, the debate is immediately relevant. Thai children experienced substantial learning disruption during the pandemic and school closures, and education stakeholders remain focused on recovery, wellbeing and study habits. Recent Thai research found links between family functioning and child emotional and behavioural problems during lockdowns, underscoring that home learning contexts strongly influence children’s mental health (Learning loss and psychosocial issues among Thai students amidst …; Association between Family Functioning, Child Emotional and …). PISA and OECD analyses also note shifting patterns in parental involvement after 2018, and many education systems are reconsidering the role of homework as part of holistic recovery and wellbeing strategies (PISA 2022 Results (Volume II) | OECD).
Culturally, Thai families often emphasize scholastic achievement and filial duty, and many parents feel responsible for ensuring their children meet school expectations. This family orientation can create tension: parents who step in to guarantee good grades may unintentionally reduce opportunities for children to develop perseverance and self‑regulated learning. At the same time, Buddhist values of compassion and family care make the instinct to remove suffering natural in Thai households. Balancing compassion with practices that build independence is therefore a culturally resonant challenge rather than a value conflict. Research suggests that framing help as guidance that builds skills — not as a shortcut to correct answers — is more compatible with both Thai family values and students’ long‑term learning. Thai education policy and teacher practice can support this balance by offering clear guidance to parents on effective homework support and by designing assignments that reward process and effort, not only correct answers (Effects of Parent Involvement…; PISA 2022 Results).
Looking ahead, several potential developments could shift how the homework debate plays out in Thailand and regionally. Ministries of education may revise homework guidelines to prioritise quality over quantity and to promote assignments that foster critical thinking and collaborative learning. Teacher‑parent communication platforms — already expanding in many Thai schools — can be used to share tips on need‑supportive homework practices. Parenting programs that strengthen parental emotion regulation and mentalization skills may gain traction as part of school‑based wellbeing initiatives. At the policy level, integrating homework guidance into national school standards and teacher training could reduce mixed signals that currently leave parents improvising in ways that sometimes backfire. International research supports interventions that teach parents to scaffold rather than solve, and pilot programs that showed gains have begun in several countries (Moè et al., interventions on need‑supportive practices and meta‑analyses of parent‑training effects (The relation between parents’ involvement…).
For Thai parents and educators seeking practical steps now, researchers and global education authorities offer actionable recommendations that fit Thai cultural and system realities. First, replace giving answers with “just‑enough help”: offer a hint, model one step, or ask guided questions that prompt the child to try a next step. Second, prioritise quality parent‑child communication: talk about the homework task, listen to frustrations, and frame challenges as learning opportunities rather than failures. Third, negotiate clear family responsibilities around study time that balance support and autonomy, such as designated homework time with an agreed limit on parental intervention. Fourth, schools should design homework that values process and reflection, and provide parents with simple scaffolding scripts and short workshops on supportive homework styles. Finally, policymakers and health‑education partnerships should link parental support guidance to child mental health services so that homework stress becomes part of wider wellbeing strategies. Each recommendation aligns with evidence showing that warm communication and structured, autonomy‑supportive help reduce negative emotions and promote resilience (Effects of Parent Involvement…; Why things can go wrong…).
In conclusion, the influencer’s social media confession is a useful reminder that many parents face the same daily trade‑offs between short‑term peace and long‑term skill building. Research does not condemn parental help; it refines it. Parents who remove the struggle entirely risk dulling children’s problem‑solving muscles and increasing anxiety tied to dependence. Parents and educators in Thailand can respond by shifting from doing to coaching: provide emotional support, brief scaffolds, and clear signals that effort and thinking — not just correct answers — are valued. Schools and health services can amplify these messages through parent workshops, teacher communications, and homework policies that reflect Thai family values while promoting student autonomy and wellbeing. Taken together, the evidence points to one clear practical aim: help children learn how to stand on their own two feet, while holding their hand just long enough to keep them safe on the path. (For the influencer’s original account and quote see People’s coverage (Mom Influencer Defends Why She’s Been Doing Her Kids’ Homework for Years)).
Sources: reporting of the influencer’s confession and quotes (People); empirical study on parental homework involvement, family responsibility and parent‑child communication in China (Li et al., Behavioral Sciences, 2024); meta‑analytic evidence on parental involvement and child adjustment (Barger et al., Psychological Bulletin, 2019); research on parental emotion regulation and homework help problems (Cohen, Gershy & Davidov, Journal of Educational Psychology, 2024); Thai studies on learning loss and family functioning during the pandemic (Learning loss and psychosocial issues among Thai students, 2023; Association between Family Functioning and Child Emotional/Behavioural Problems, 2024); international context and policy trends (PISA 2022 Results, OECD).